Who comes first?
by Lengleu
Summary: A collection of one-shots related to Vampire Academy. Mostly Rose & Dimitri, but anything is possible. Disclaimer: Vampire Academy and its characters are owned by Richelle Mead.
1. Chapter 1

_This one-shot takes place around three years after the events of the first book. As far as this little story is concerned, the rest never happened._

* * *

 ** _They come first_**

 **RPOV**

We had just left the restaurant at which Lissa and Christian had enjoyed a long dinner when my stomach churned and I felt nauseous. A feeling which had absolutely nothing to do with the excellent risotto I had enjoyed on my short break from guarding.

"Strigoi!"  
I felt more than saw Dimitri getting ready to fight next to me as he pulled out his stake. No! That's not what he was supposed to be doing!  
"Take Lissa and Christian and go!"  
He stood his ground. "I'm not letting you face them alone."  
"Dimitri, go! You need to protect them, keep them safe."  
"Rose.." His voice was soft, and I knew he would stay and fight if it was upto him.  
I briefly looked at him and softened my own voice when our eyes connected. "Stick to the plan. Go comrade, I'll be right behind you."

He hesitated for another moment before turning around and rushing Lissa and Christian in the direction of our car, which was parked around a corner just down the block. I could've sworn I briefly felt a brush of his hand on my arm, leaving the usual accompanying trail of electricity in it's wake.

I steeled myself to face the three strigoi who had spotted me and I could see heading my way. I sighed, I shouldn't have lied to Dimitri. No matter how much I wanted to follow him, it was unlikely I would come out of this fight alive. But I knew he wouldn't have left otherwise, and I needed him and Lissa to be safe. I would gladly give my life to save either of them.

* * *

 **DPOV**

I briefly looked over my shoulder when we approached the car. Roza was no longer in my line of sight, but I could see something walking towards the place where I left her. More than one something.

At the sight of those figures in the distance I made up my mind. I unlocked the car and then pushed the keys into Christian's hand. He looked at them while I opened the door for Vasilisa. As I shut it behind her, he said: "You're going back for her aren't you?"  
I didn't question how he figured out what I was going to do, having only just decided on it moments before myself. It didn't matter, and we all needed to move. "Get in and start driving as fast as you safely can. If you're attacked, light them up."  
Christian was speechless but nodded. I continued giving him orders, hoping it would keep them safe. "Take the shortest road to Court and don't stop for anything. Get Vasilisa to call for backup to escort you and ask them to send guardians to this location."

While I was talking I pushed him towards the driver's seat and held the door open for him. He got in quickly, but before shutting the door he said quietly: "I'll look after Lissa, go help Rose."  
I nodded and only waited for the split-second he needed to start the car and speed away. As soon as he hit the gas, I ran back in the direction we had just come from, hoping beyond hope that my Roza had held out long enough for me to keep our charge safe and come back for her.

What I was doing now went against everything we are taught, every rule we abide by and every promise I have ever made. As a guardian you never, ever, abandon your charge. It didn't matter that Vasilisa had Christian with her, who is quite capable of protecting her according to me, but just another Moroi in need of protection according to the establishment. It didn't matter to them that I had left another guardian behind to face danger. Our job is to protect and if necessary sacrifice ourselves. Rose knew that and would willingly give her life for our charge. I just couldn't let her.

I ran around the corner and nearly tripped over a body. The clothes weren't familiar to me and I didn't slow down, knowing it wasn't Rose. I heard the sounds of fighting up ahead and pushed myself to run harder. She was still fighting, still holding on.

In the next second I spotted her. They had moved further down the street, past the restaurant we had left what seemed like hours ago, about 200 yards away from where I was. There was another body near her feet and she was fighting the final Strigoi. She was magnificent in battle, but I could tell she was getting tired, and the Strigoi she was fighting was strong and fast. Before I had run half the distance, I saw him landing a kick to her stomach and she flew backwards, slamming into a wall. She tried to get up but she was injured and she slipped back to the ground. The strigoi was on her instantly and I could see her struggle as he pinned her down before going straight for her throat.

That's when I reached them. I had impossibly pushed myself even harder when I saw her fall, and I didn't slow down as I approached them. I charged and launched myself at the Strigoi at full speed. He was so focused on my Roza that he never saw me coming.

We rolled over the ground a couple of feet away from Rose, both trying to get the upper hand. He managed to get away from me for a moment and get back on his feet, but I was already up as well and facing him.  
He growled. "How dare you get in my way!"  
He was a former dhampir, and I could tell he was old, ancient even. In a normal situation that might have troubled me, but right now, with Roza injured just behind me, I refused to be intimidated by his obvious strength. It didn't matter how old or how strong he was, or how menacing. He wanted to hurt her, and I wouldn't allow it.

He moved from side to side, trying to find a way to take me down while he sneered: "You're just delaying the inevitable. You will die for your interference, and then so will she. You have only increased the duration of her suffering." He gave me a sinister grin. "Maybe I'll make you watch."  
I ignored him, mirroring his every move and slowly, and seemingly unnoticed by him, moving us further away from Rose. It struck me then that I should keep him talking, keep him distracted until I could find an opening of my own.  
"You will never touch her."  
"Oh but I will dhampir, I will." He was silent for a moment before releasing an evil laugh that unsettled me more than his words up to that point had done. He was still chuckling when he told me: "I know what I'll do. I'll turn her. She's a decent fighter, she'll be useful." His grin faded as he regarded me. "And you can be her very first meal."

My heart dropped but I didn't allow myself to become distracted by his words. I would not let him near her. He fainted to my right before changing direction and rushing to my left side, swinging his fist towards my temple while simultaneously trying to kick my legs out from under me. He sure was fast, probably the fastest Strigoi I had ever faced.

Unlucky for him, my rage at seeing Rose injured had heightened my senses and I was waiting for him. I dodged his punch and raked my stake down his side. He hissed and recoiled, jumping out of my reach.

He was more enraged than ever and instantly attacked me again. The fight became more intense, no more taunting and he was no longer toying with me. He was intent on killing me, on making me pay. I hit him several times but also took several hits in return, each harder and more painful than the last one. Finally he knocked my stake out of my hand and landed a punch in my stomach. I doubled over, gasping for breath.  
He stood over me and growled. "Your actions were futile. She will die, and there is nothing you can do."

Except there was...

While I was doubled over, I pulled my second stake out of my boot where it was hidden. When the Strigoi moved in, thinking to finish me off while I was weakened, I moved quickly and rather than watch me die, he saw my stake disappearing into his chest. His eyes widened but the rest of his body was frozen by the pain the stake was causing.  
I straightened up, looking him straight in the eye as I said: "I told you, you will never touch her."  
Then I used all my strength to push the stake the final millimeters to his heart. I actually put so much force behind my final move that the point of the stake went right through his heart, and I felt it nick the ribs behind it.

I didn't even wait for him to fall before I ran to Rose, dropping to my knees beside her.

* * *

 **RPOV**

I was staring into the grim face of imminent death when it suddenly disappeared. For a while, it could've been seconds or days really, I drifted in and out of consciousness. At one point I could've sworn I heard Dimitri's voice, but it couldn't be. He was with Lissa. They were safe, they were both safe.

"Rose! Rose can you hear me?"  
I opened my eyes and grimaced. Everything hurt. Who would've known flying into a wall would be so damn painful? Why did they have to be made out of brick anyway? Why not marshmallows or something?  
"Rose?"  
I blinked, finally focusing on the face hovering over me. No longer the face of death I had seen earlier, but instead the face I dreamed about.

"What are you doing here Dimitri? You're supposed to be with Lissa. Is she safe?" Even I could hear my voice was weak. Still, a look of relief appeared on his beautiful face when he heard it.  
"I sent her back to Court with Christian. They'll be okay."  
I gasped. "What?! You left her?"

He didn't answer but picked me up, lifting me into his arms like I didn't weigh a thing. It reminded me of that time he brought me to the infirmary back at school, after I faced my first Strigoi. Nathalie... I had dreamed of that moment for weeks, months even. Not because of the fight or the pain, but because of him. Still, that was years ago. I had taken his words to heart and I had grown up, focusing on my training and my charge.

"Why did you leave her? Why did you come back for me? You were meant to stay safe, to keep her safe!"  
He was silent for a moment before he whispered: "I couldn't leave you behind."  
In a small voice I asked: "But what about Lissa?"

He hesitated. "Do you remember what I said? After I saved you from Nathalie?"  
Guess I wasn't the only one thinking about that night. I thought back to what he had told me, the words I had always remembered, had been unable to forget even. But that was so long ago, before I had agreed with him, before we had kept our distance and instead put all our efforts towards keeping our charge safe. So rather than answering his question and revealing how much those words still affected me, I said: "You should've stayed with Lissa. We have to keep her safe. She comes first."

He muttered under his breath. "Like hell she does." I looked up at him in shock. This wasn't the Guardian Belikov who everyone was familiar with, my former mentor, the man who trained me to be the fighter I was. This was the man I had seen in private moments when he lets his guard down, his feelings just as intense as my own. I was still in his arms, held close against his chest and despite the pain, I felt safer and more alive than I had done in a long time. I felt him take a deep breath. "Do you remember?"  
I was unable to find my voice, so I just nodded.  
"Everything?"  
"You said.." now I was the one to take a deep breath but I couldn't hide the pain I felt. Not from my injuries, but from the heartbreak I had carried with me ever since that day. "You said she had to be our priority. That you needed to protect her at all costs."

"Roza.." was his only answer. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. He somehow noticed, even in the dark, while he was hurrying us towards the place our car had been earlier, perhaps hoping someone would be there or backup would find us?  
He stopped walking, looking deep into my eyes. To my shock, all his emotions were out in the open. I could read them all clearly in his eyes and on his face. I was mesmerized.  
He looked sad as he said: "Yes, that's what I told you. I suppose I be glad you listened to me, it's what allowed us to work together as well as we did." For a moment he looked away, struggling to regain control?

He started walking again, slower this time, and he looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I hesitated before whispering: "You also told me that if you let yourself love me, you wouldn't throw yourself in front of her. You would throw yourself in front of me."  
His eyes flew to mine. "You remember."  
It wasn't a question this time, but a statement. I nodded, caught in his gaze and unable to look away. "You came back for me."  
"Yes."  
"You protected me."  
He looked away from me, instead looking ahead. Pain flashed across his face. "I couldn't let you die Roza, I couldn't leave you."

I swallowed before finally getting to the point, asking the question which mattered the most. "Does this mean... did you let yourself..." I didn't know how to say the words running through my mind, filling me with hope and dread at the same time. In the end I didn't need to finish it, he knew what I was asking.  
He chuckled without humor. "It was never about letting myself love you Roza. That was just me struggling for the control that I lost the second I laid eyes on you."  
"What?" My brain was foggy, I had a hard time processing his words.  
"It didn't matter whether I let myself love you or not, whether it was wise or appropriate. I eventually realized that I fell in love with you the day we first met. That there was simply no way I couldn't love you."  
He finally looked back at me, his gaze soft and tender. "I love you Roza. I have done for years."

I stared back at him, unable to tear my eyes away from his. It was like time stood still, and my world as I knew it was turned upside down. The words I had longed to hear three years ago, had secretly hoped he would express day in day out for months, and here they finally were. Everything I had felt, had denied myself for so long, came rushing back to me and I was overwhelmed.  
He looked away from me, checking our surroundings for danger or possibly hoping a rescue team would jump out of the shadows. Nothing happened, and he ended up walking to a wooden bench set on the sidewalk and sat down with me on his lap, one arm still around me, holding me close. With the other he pulled a phone out of his pocket. "I'm going to call headquarters, ask for backup if they haven't sent any yet."

He immediately followed through. He spoke calmly and clearly but I didn't listen to his words. I could feel the soft rumble of his voice where I rested against his chest, while I was trapped in an unending stream of thoughts and what-if's. I didn't notice the call was over until he brushed a lock of hair out of my face and concern laced his voice as he asked: "Rose? Are you okay?"  
I looked at him, still unable to voice a response. His eyes were worried and there was a hint of agitation in his voice. "Do you think you're going into shock? They will be here in a couple of minutes, just focus on me. Talk to me Roza."

I opened and closed my mouth once, twice, three times without making a sound. Seeing Dimitri was getting more upset by the second, I finally managed to pull myself together and speak the only words that had been able to penetrate through the fog in my mind. "I love you too."

* * *

 **DPOV**

My heart stuttered and I felt my eyes widen. "You.. you do?"  
When I told Roza I loved her just now, it was without any expectations on my part. I had told her we couldn't be together three years ago and that was the end of it. It didn't matter that I figured out soon after that I was already lost and that my feelings for her couldn't be surpressed. I couldn't act on them, and honestly, I never expected her to return them in the same measure. She was young, she was just getting started in life and I figured she would eventually fall for someone else. I didn't think she'd wait for me, wait for a day that might never come. That's why I never hinted at my feelings, thinking it would only make our lives and partnership that much more difficult, especially if she was no longer interested in me that way.

I honestly didn't know why I told her tonight. Maybe it was a result of seeing her go down, having to face the reality that she could have died. Would have died without knowing how I felt. I guess I thought she should know, especially now that I had broken the rules by abandoning our charge and would probably be punished for it. Rose deserved to know why. As for her response. Well.. I did not see that coming.  
I was pulled out of my thoughts when her hand touched my cheek. "Yeah, I do."

Looking down at the beautiful woman in my arms, I felt lighter and happier than I had done in years. I could see it clearly now, in her eyes and the way she looked at me. I pulled her a little closer and she seemed to melt against me, her body fitting perfectly against mine. And there, on that bench in the middle of the city, I finally bent my head and kissed her, like I had dreamed of doing so many times. The reality of her lips against mine was infinitely better than I had ever been able to imagine.

Neither of us broke the kiss until we heard cars racing up the street towards us. Help had arrived, and we needed to get Rose checked out at the hospital at Court. I got into the back of a car, still holding Roza in my arms. I didn't care what anyone thought, I wasn't going to let her go.  
In the relative privacy of the backseat, Rose leaned her head against my chest and whispered: "What are we going to do? What about Lissa? She comes first."  
I quietly answered: "We'll figure it out." I once again pulled her close and pressed a kiss in her hair before resting my head on top of hers. "And to me, you will always come first Roza."

* * *

 ** _Author's note:  
_ _The idea for this one-shot popped into my mind last night and I just had to write it down. I took a little break after finishing my story a couple of weeks ago, and honestly didn't think I'd return this soon, but well, I guess I wasn't completely done with Rose and Dimitri yet after all. I hope you guys enjoyed it!_**

 ** _I plan on adding any one-shots I will be writing in the future to this story, rather than posting them separately, so follow if you want to make sure you don't miss out on them. And of course, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one!_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I don't own Rose, Dimitri or any other part of Vampire Academy. All credits to Richelle Mead._**


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 1**

 **DPOV**

I was sitting on the sofa, reading one of my western novels, when my charge stormed into the living room. I looked up at her in surprise. Princess Vasilisa Dragomir was normally a gentle, levelheaded, serene woman, and I'd rarely seen her upset in the three years I'd been guarding her. Any outbursts I'd witnessed in that time were triggered by darkness, a direct consequence of spirit, the rare element she'd specialized in. As I regarded her carefully, I realized that upset might actually be an understatement. Pissed off, outraged, incensed or livid would have been more accurate descriptions of her current mood.

I was about to ask her what was wrong when she burst out: "She's gone!"  
She could mean any number of people; her favourite hairdresser, her yoga-instructor, the girl at the dress shop who advised her on her last ballgown, her cat even, but for some reason her words filled me with dread. Surely the Princess couldn't be talking about Rose, her best friend since childhood and my guarding partner.

Rose Hathaway, troublemaker extraordinaire, yet also one of the most promising and dedicated young guardians out there. Quick-tempered and passionate, with a tendency to speak and act before thinking things through, the ability to come up with the most insane plans and the skill to actually pull them off. The girl who made my life very complicated when I became her mentor, after I brought her and Vasilisa back to St. Vladimir's three years ago. The woman I had been in love with for at least the past 2 years and 10 months, and if I was being honest, ever since the day I first met her and she attacked me to protect Vasilisa.

Back at the academy, Rose had also harbored feelings for me, but we never acted on them. We had a few close calls. The time Victor Dashkov had used a lust-charm on us had been especially close, but nothing noteworthy ever happened. I had explained to Rose why we couldn't be together, why I couldn't allow myself to love her. It would have put Vasilisa in danger and that was something neither of us wanted. I didn't realize until much later that whether I allowed myself to love her or not, I actually had no choice in the matter. By the time I became aware of how much she really meant to me, my love for her was such a deeply ingrained part of me that I couldn't have changed it if I wanted to. And honestly, I didn't want to.

Our relationship had been completely professional ever since the lust-charm, except for a few minor slip-ups when our emotions got the better of us. A hug that lasted a little too long after I found her in Spokane, an unexpected but heated kiss after we both survived the battle and rescue mission at St. Vlardimir's a while later, cupping her face in my hands and looking deep into her eyes after she graduated. And there was the time when we both had a night off and she got completely and totally wasted on Russian vodka. I carried her back to her room and somehow I woke up the next morning in her bed, with Rose snuggled up against me, our arms wrapped around eachother. Thankfully we had still been fully dressed, and we never mentioned that occassion to anyone.

All of that had happened a long time ago though. After we got used to working together and being around eachother fulltime, we learned to control our feelings and nothing inappropriate ever happened again. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if Rose still had feelings for me. She was very young when I first fell for her after all, and it was quite possible she had gotten over me a long time ago. Perhaps it was just an infatuation with a teacher who was a few years older, and she lost her interest as soon as we became partners rather than mentor and student. There was even the possiblity that she had moved on with someone else, and I just didn't know it. The thought hurt and I quickly pushed it away.

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I had completely forgotten about Vasilisa until she walked up to me and hissed: "She's gone, and it's your fault!"  
"What?" I asked her in confusion.  
She glared at me. "Rose left. She left me and resigned as my guardian, and it's all because of you."  
"What are you talking about? When did Rose leave?" I jumped up. I was nearly incoherent with shock, could she truly have left?

Vasilisa pushed a piece of paper into my hands and started pacing up and down the room. I unfolded the paper and instantly recognized Rose's handwriting.

 _Liss,_

 _By the time you're reading this I'll already be far away from Court. I've handed in my resignation to Guardian Croft and while he was surprisingly unhappy to see me go, there's nothing he can do to stop me.  
_ _I'm so very sorry to be leaving you like this, but I felt I had no choice._

 _I don't know if you remember, but after Spokane you once asked me if I loved Mason, and I ended up telling you about my feelings for Dimitri instead. I called it a crush at the time and told you I'd get over it. I remember you comforting me and telling me there were plenty of guys out there and once we got out of the Academy, you'd find me someone amazing. I recall telling you that if you did, he had better be hot.  
And I know you tried Liss, until I told you not to waste your energy on it since I was perfectly happy the way I was and wanted to focus on guarding you, rather than being distracted by the next pretty face trying to get me naked._

 _The point is, I wasn't happy, I haven't been in a very long time. My feelings for Dimitri were much, much more than just a crush. I've been in love with him for years. I thought I could handle it, that I could push my feelings aside because guarding you was all I ever wanted, what I had worked so hard for. I told myself that seeing Dimitri every day, being a part of his life as a partner and a friend, was much better than not being around him at all. And at first that was actually true. But for the past few months, as I see you and Christian move forward with your lives, taking the next step with your engagement, making plans for your future, I have started to realize that that's something I will never have with the man I love._

 _You deserve your happily ever after. After everything that's happened the past few years, I'm thrilled that you and Christian managed to work things out and create a life for yourselves. You no longer need me the way you once did, and while that makes me a little sad, I'm also incredibly proud of the woman you have become. Now that you don't need me to take care of you anymore, I've decided that it's time for me to start taking care of myself. I can't spend the rest of my life on the sidelines, looking at Dimitri from across the room and wondering about what could have been. Or what he looks like naked, I mean, who hasn't wondered about that right?  
I need to find my own place in this world and give myself the chance to find out what I want to do, and to get over Dimitri. I can't do any of those things at Court, and that's why I've decided to leave.  
_

 _I know you'll probably be pissed, but I hope one day you'll understand and forgive me. You're my best friend, my sister and my only true family, and while I might not be with you at the moment, you're always in my mind and in my heart, and I'll occasionally be in your head as well. Please tell Christian to wear clothes around the house, I do NOT want to have nightmares about him._

 _Will you tell Dimitri thank you from me? I would never have been the person I am today without his lessons, his friendship and his trust in me.  
_

 _Be happy Liss, I love you.  
_

 _Rose_

She left. She actually left. My knees buckled and I dropped back onto the sofa, still holding on to the letter. I tried reading it again, hoping that somehow I misunderstood the first time, that she was just taking a break and would be back soon. Sadly the second and third time I read her words only confirmed what I instinctively guessed from the moment Vasilisa entered the room. Rose was gone, and considering the things she said to Vasilisa, she had no intentions of returning anytime soon.

She left because she still loved me.

I understood her reasons for leaving. It had been difficult for me as well to witness Vasilisa and Christian starting their life together, although it had probably been easier for me than it was for Rose. As a male dhampir, I had accepted a long time ago that there wouldn't be a happily ever after for me. Most dhampir children are born from short relationships between Moroi men and dhampir women, while the men also have a respectable Moroi family at home. Moroi women are usually unwilling to have dhampir children or be in a longterm relationship with one. Also, relationships between guardians are frowned upon in our society. By becoming a guardian, I dedicated my life to the Moroi. They come first.

Upon Rose's graduation, I had told myself something similar to what she apparently did. If she could be part of my life, whether as my partner or my friend, I would be content. It was the best we could hope for, and at least I would know she was okay, I could be there for her if she needed me, and I was in a position where I could protect her to the best of my abilities. I didn't trust anyone else to keep her safe.

"You could have stopped her. Why didn't you stop her?" Vasilisa asked, snatching the letter out of my hands.  
"I didn't know she had left until you just told me, how was I supposed to stop her?"  
She yells: "That's not what I meant! I've seen your aura, I know you care for her. Why didn't you tell her? She never would have left if she knew you had feelings for her too!"  
I sat back and sighed in defeat. "She knew. At least, she used to know."

Vasilisa's mouth fell open and she stared at me perplexedly. "What?"  
I ran my hands through my hair, feeling helpless and defeated. "I developed feelings for Rose shortly after you both returned to St. Vladimir's. I tried to ignore them and to keep it from Rose, but when Victor kidnapped you, he used a charm on Rose that made us both act on our feelings for eachother to distract us. Afterwards, I told Rose how I felt, but also why we could never act on it and be together."  
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Which is why exactly?"  
"If I allowed myself to love Rose, to be with her, it would put you at risk. If we had gotten into a situation where I would have had to choose between you and Rose, I would have picked her." I sighed. "We both agreed we couldn't endanger you like that. You come first."  
Vasilisa's mouth actually fell open. "That's..."  
"The way things are." I finished Vasilisa's sentence.  
"Seriously fucked up?" Said a voice from the doorway. Christian.

Vasilisa ran to him and he wrapped an arm around her in comfort. With his free hand, he took the letter from Vasilisa and started reading it. I expected him to be annoyed at the way Rose left, that he would see it as her deserting Vasilisa. However when he finished the letter, he put it down on the table next to him, resignation and sadness etched on his features.  
"I'll miss her."  
Vasilisa looked up at him in shock. "What do you mean, you'll miss her? We'll get her back, she has to come back."  
He shook his head. "I don't think she will Liss. Even if you'd be able to find Rose, and I doubt you will if she doesn't want to be found, she obviously had good reasons for leaving."  
The Princess crossed her arms. "No she didn't. She should have stayed, we could have worked something out. She should have told us sooner."

Christian didn't answer her, pulling her into a hug instead. There probably wasn't anything he could say anyway. He was right after all, if Rose didn't want to be found, she had all the skills necessary to disappear, and nobody would be able to find her. Randomly, a name I had heard from time to time while growing up came to mind. A man, a Moroi, who knew everyone and everything and did favors for people when asked. I disregarded the thought immediately. I doubted even he would be able to find Rose, and I was well aware that his help came at a high price. Not that I wasn't willing to pay any price when it came to Rose, but at the very least I would try to find her myself before I ever requested his help.

Eventually, Christian managed to get Vasilisa to move to the other sofa and sit down. She was still upset, repeating the same words to herself: "She should have told us, we could have helped."  
While he was busy comforting his girlfriend, I was fighting a battle of my own. My sense of duty, both part of my personality and something that had been drilled into me since I was four years old, was warring with my desire, my need to go after Rose and tell her how I feel about her. Her leaving brought all my feelings for her, everything I tried to bury, back to the surface, and in some ways this was the closest I'd ever felt to a happy ending, a chance for us to be together. At the same time of course, we were far from it. Literally, because Rose was probably far away by now. Still, if I went after her, if I could find her, maybe we'd really have a shot at a life together. This part of me wanted to run to my room, throw some things into a bag and go after her.

In the back of my mind though, I could hear a small nagging voice reminding me of my duty, of the promises I had made when I became a guardian, of the motto I had lived by since I was a kid. They come first. I couldn't just abandon Vasilisa, especially not now when I was her only guardian, until Hans found a replacement for Rose. And Rose wouldn't want me to leave her best friend at risk. She probably only felt she was able to leave because she knew I was here, because she trusted me to keep the Princess safe for her.

Without Rose, I didn't want to stay here though. It might've been my duty to keep Vasilisa safe, but Rose and I weren't the only capable guardians out there. Surely there was someone else who could do my job, and do it well. If I went to look for Rose now, maybe I could find her. Maybe we could work things out, be together, have the future I had wanted ever since I met her, but always thought was unattainable.

When I returned to my surroundings, Vasilisa was looking at me. She had stopped crying and she didn't look as pissed off as before either. She was just looking at me thoughtfully and seemed to understand what I was thinking. "You should go after her."  
I sighed. "I can't leave you unprotected, Rose wouldn't want me to risk your life." My words were true, and yet I still wasn't convinced I was making the right decision. Honestly, before Vasilisa spoke up, I had just about decided to leave straight away, but after a lifetime of having put my duty first, I had a hard time pushing that aside.  
She regarded me carefully, before she suddenly said: "You're fired."

My mouth fell open in shock and Christian looked just as stunned as I was. "What?"  
"You heard me, you're fired. I'll call Hans and get him to send me other guardians."  
"But..." I had a hard time forming a sentence after the unexpected turn this conversation had just taken.  
Vasilisa was calm and collected though. She stood up gracefully and told me: "Go. Find Rose. Do whatever you need to do, but don't come back without her." Then she turned on her heel and walked out of the room, a regal air about her.

I looked at Christian, who was regaining his composure and shrugged his shoulders at my questioning look. "Hey, don't look at me, I'm as surprised as you are. Who could understand the female mind right?"  
I half expected to hear Rose's voice from behind me, muttering something about Christian being unable to understand anyone's mind, because that'd require him to have a mind of his own. The fact that the room remained silent reminded me that she really had left, and from the looks of it, that realization really hit Christian as well. He shook his head and gave me a pat on the shoulder. "For what it's worth, I actually think you and Rose would actually be sort of good together."  
"Thank you, I guess."I gave him a friendly nod. "I'll go pack my bags. Take care Christian."  
"You too, I hope you find her."

I was almost at the door when I heard a chuckle behind me. "You know, I don't think Lissa really thought that one through."  
Turning around, I looked at Christian curiously. "What do you mean?"  
He rolled his eyes. "Oh come on Dimitri, unfreeze that brain of yours and think. Rose quit, and you've just been fired. Lissa knows you will go after Rose and thinks you will get her to return, but if you think about it, she just took away one of the only reasons you would've had to return to Court."

I thought about his words, understanding dawning on me. At the moment, neither Rose nor I had a charge. Normally, on the rare occasion that a guardian got fired, they'd request a new assignment. However, if I didn't do that, I was free to go wherever I wanted, for as long as I wanted. If I found Rose, we could do anything and go anywhere. We'd be free to live our own life.  
I looked at Christian, a slow smile appearing on my face. "You're absolutely right."  
"Well of course I am." Then he smirked before adding: "And please, do tell Rose so when you find her."

Within half an hour I was driving out of Court, away from the world I had known all my life but, hopefully, towards Rose.

* * *

 _ **Author's note: Sooo I'm back again. Half of this story had been sitting in my documents for the past 2.5 months, so I decided to finally do something with it. As you might've noticed, it says part 1 at the top, because it didn't really feel complete to me and I'm considering making it a two-shot. What do you guys think?**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 2**

 **RPOV**

 _One month later_

This was officially, absolutely, freaking amazing. My decision to get away from Court turned out to be the best thing I ever did. Okay, I missed Lissa, and if I was being entirely truthful I missed Dimitri even more. Hell, I'd even started to miss Christian's insults, though I'd never admit that to anyone. On that last score it was probably a good thing I was gone for a while though, maybe he'd use the time to actually think of some funny ones for a change.

I occasionally checked in on Lissa, but most of the time I was blocking the bond. It'd been especially necessary during those first few days. I could practically hear her screaming at me when she discovered the letter and its contents, and I decided I could do without all the extra drama. I made sure to check on her during times I was certain she was busy with work. It saved me the trouble of hearing her opinion about my absence while allowing me to confirm she was safe and well. Plus I was unlikely to catch Christian in an undignified position. Ugh, honestly, how could Lissa think he was sexy? I bet Dimitri would look a hell of a lot better when he got 'busy'.

Right, Dimitri. I hadn't caught a glimpse of him when I used the bond, but I suppose that wasn't entirely surprising. Whenever Lissa went anywhere he'd be far guard, and he never accompanied her into the study before either. I had seen Meredith and my mom around, who were apparently my replacements as near guard, and even Eddie had made the occasional appearance, so at least Lissa didn't have to rely on strangers for her protection. That made me feel a lot better.

I kinda wished I had seen Dimitri. I wanted to know if he was okay and how he was dealing with my disappearance. I doubted Lissa had told him about my reasons for leaving, she wouldn't disregard my privacy like that, so he probably just thought I wanted a break and had gone about it the worst way possible. Which, to be fair, wasn't completely improbable. He had been my mentor and partner and seen me pull some crazy stunts over the years after all.

Dimitri.. How I would've liked for him to be here as well. Just us for a change, doing something for ourselves, something we wanted to rather than doing it because Lissa wanted it, because it was part of our job. It wasn't that I resented her exactly. I had promised her time and time again that I would be her guardian, that I would keep her safe, and up until very recently I'd kept my word. It just would've been nice if I could've had something for myself as well, my own life and occasionally my own choices.

It wasn't even purely about him, it was just a general thing really. Maybe I could've gone to a different university than Lissa and studied something I wanted to. Rather than boring lectures on political science, I could've studied something fun. I would've loved to learn how to swear in a different language. It probably sounded much better in French or Spanish, and it would be totally awesome to casually insult Christian and know he couldn't understand a word I was saying. And I bet Russian would've been fun, finally learning what exactly Dimitri was saying everytime he thought I did something outrageous or stupid. Or I could've traveled the world and visited all the famous sights. The Taj Mahal, the Great Wall of China, the Pyramids, the Eiffel Tower, the Kremlin. I could've gone to see rainforests, a tropical island, beaches all over the world, the arctic wastelands of Siberia.

Oh who was I kidding, it was totally about Dimitri. That man was just too attractive for his own good, and mine. My life would've been a lot simpler if he was a boring, 40-year-old, ugly midget who wore track suits and white socks in sandals on his time off. I mean, he wouldn't be Dimitri, but at least his presence wouldn't distract me. Or they could've given me Stan as a mentor and partner, same thing really. I shivered, the thought alone was just too horrible. Imagine having to look at that every single day for the rest of your life, ugh!

No I'd much rather look at a tall, muscular, handsome man with long hair and brown eyes, preferably wearing a cowboy duster. It wasn't exactly a hardship to look at his graceful moves either, he even made walking around the perimeter look hot.  
Right, so maybe I wasn't doing too well on the getting over him part, but hey, it wasn't like anyone would know. I was far away from everyone I knew, on a beach in Turkey, and I smiled in satisfaction as I relaxed, enjoying the warm feeling of the sun on my back, and allowed my mind to be filled with images of an attractive looking Russian.

I was halfway asleep when someone cleared his throat a few feet away and said: "Maybe you should get someone to put some sunscreen on your back before you get sunburn."  
Damnit, way to interrupt my very pleasant thoughts. I replied icily: "Get lost, I'll ask my big bad boyfrie..." That's when the familiarity of the voice managed to penetrate through the sleepy haze I'd been in. I turned around so quickly I nearly fell off the sunbed I was lying on. I squinted my eyes against the sun and looked at the man I had just been enjoying a very pleasant daydream of.

Dimitri was standing there, without his duster. Without most of his clothes actually, just wearing boardshorts and a T-shirt. I was trying to keep my eyes from popping out and my mouth from falling open when he raised an eyebrow at me and said: "I suppose I should leave before this big bad boyfriend shows up then."  
I immediately shook my head. "No need, I'm sure my mind will get him to leave us alone."  
"Am I to understand he's imaginary?" His deep voice sounded amused.  
I tried not to smile. "Possibly. Stick around for a while and I'm sure you'll find out."  
"You know, I just think I will." He threw the beach towel he had been holding onto the sunbed next to mine and sat down, though not before taking off his shirt. I had a hard time to keep from drooling.

"Where's Lissa?" I asked, trying to distract myself from the view.  
He looked at me before turning his gaze to the ocean. "I assume she's at Court."  
"You assume? You don't know?"  
"You'd probably know better than I do."  
I didn't respond but quickly checked the bond and found her at home, watching a movie with Christian. Their attention wasn't exactly on the movie though, so I got out before I'd be forced to see anything else.

Dimitri was regarding me carefully. "Is she okay?"  
"Yeah she's good. Why did you leave though? Who's guarding her? You can't just leave her without both her guardians, what if something happens?" I knew I sounded a little frantic, but really, what if something happened to Lissa while we were both gone?  
"She will be fine Rose. Eddie, Meredith and your mother are guarding her, they'll keep her safe." Dimitri put his hand on my arm to calm me down. It worked, though his touch made my pulse race for entirely different reasons.  
I decided to distract myself again. "But why did you leave?"  
He leaned back. "Lissa fired me."  
"What?! When?"  
"The day you left."  
"But... She can't.. "

I was dumbfounded, this wasn't like Lissa at all. Why would she fire Dimitri? He was the best guardian she could have. And how could he be so calm about it? I would've expected him to be upset. He worked so hard to get where he is today and his reputation would suffer from being fired, especially with him apparently leaving Court afterwards. But he just shrugged in reaction to my jumbled words. "It doesn't matter. When she fired me, I was already thinking about leaving. The only thing holding me back was the thought that you trusted me to keep her safe. When I found out who our replacements were though, I knew they were capable of protecting her and I would have left anyway."  
"Why?"  
He raised his eyebrow. "You didn't think I'd try to find you?"

Honestly? No I didn't really expect him to come looking for me. We had been around eachother every day for the past three years, and for the last two he never gave any indication that I was more than his partner. Which lead me to the question why he was here now. I was afraid to ask him though, not knowing how he would reply and unsure whether I could deal with a disappointing answer.  
"So uhm... how did you find me?" I asked instead.  
"It wasn't without effort. I've been searching for you ever since you left."

While I was processing that, he continued seemingly randomly. "You know, you could've told me Abe Mazur is your father. It would've saved me from a very uncomfortable conversation."  
I looked at him in confusion. "How so? What does he have to do with anything?"  
He didn't answer, shifting uncomfortably. I connected the dots between his comment, his unexpected appearance and the fact that my father was the only one who knew where I was. "Oh crap, you didn't ask him for help did you?"  
He refused to look at me. "Well what was I supposed to do? I couldn't find a single hint to point me in the right direction, I was getting desperate."  
"Desperate enough to ask a mob boss for help? Are you crazy?" I asked incredulously. "That's something I would do comrade, not you."  
He ran his hand through his hair. "I guess you rubbed off on me."

"What did you promise him in return?" I watched some emotion appear on his face, but it was gone too quickly for me to recognize it. "Please, please tell me you didn't promise him anything dangerous. Please?"  
"It's nothing dangerous Rose, I promise. How did you find out about him anyway?"  
"Oh, my mom took him with her to my graduation party and introduced us. She didn't announce it to the world or anything, but it was nice meeting him and we've kept in touch and gotten closer over the years since."  
He nodded thoughtfully. "Ah. I did notice him at the trials, but I just thought he was looking for another guardian to add to his ranks."  
I shrugged. "He probably was. He knew I just wanted to guard Lissa, but I'm pretty sure he offered Eddie a job." I surpressed a shudder. "Thank God he was smart enough not to take it, who knows what the old man would've made him do."

I knew Dimitri had been trying to change the subject, so I was about to question him further about his conversation with Abe, when I saw a human boy who had hit on me earlier look in my direction and do a double take when he noticed Dimitri. He hesitated for a moment longer before getting up and walking our way. "Oh jeez, not again." I muttered. Dimitri looked at me curiously but I just motioned towards the guy. I didn't actually remember his name, he wasn't exactly the first to hit on me since I'd been here and all of those guys were just annoying. I think this one was English, but I wasn't sure.

When he reached us, he looked from me to Dimitri to the sand below his feet. "So uhm... I... Well..." Yep, definitely English.  
"Just get on with it," I said impatiently.  
"I just.. wanted to apologize.."  
Dimitri regarded him closely, his face impassive. "For what exactly?"  
"I uhm.. might have bothered your girlfriend earlier. I thought she was just blowing me off when she mentioned a big bad boyfriend."  
Dimitri narrowed his eyes, making him look incredibly dangerous. "You bothered her?"  
The boy recoiled and took two steps backwards, holding up his hands in surrender. "I didn't mean to annoy her, I swear! It's just.. She's the hottest chick I've ever seen and I was flirting with her, but I might have been a little pushy." The more he talked, the colder Dimitri's glare became. It would be mean to admit to it, but it was actually kind of hilarious to see the boy blunder on and only making things worse for himself.

In a cold voice Dimitri said: "Is that how your mother taught you to treat a woman?"  
The guy was nearly shaking now. I almost felt bad. Almost. "No sir."  
"And what would she do if she were here?"  
"She'd be really mad sir, and make me apologize."  
Dimitri didn't say anything but just looked at him expectantly, his eyebrow raised. The boy swallowed. "Right, so.. I'm sorry?"  
"Are you asking me or are you telling her?"  
He turned to me. "I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you."

I was about to reply, but Dimitri was faster. His face was still impassive, but I could hear the amusement in his voice. "Good. Enjoy the rest of your holiday."  
"Thank you sir, you too."  
The boy was about to walk away when I decided to add: "Oh by the way, don't try and flirt with any other girls. My boyfriend might look big and bad, but if I ever see you bothering anyone else, it's not him you should be worried about."

After taking a look at my face and seeing my most dangerous, pissed off, look there, the boy scurried off. I held my breath for another three seconds before bursting into laughter.  
"You shouldn't laugh at him Rose, it's mean. And so was threatening him." Dimitri sounded reproachful.  
I tried, and failed, to raise an eyebrow at him. "Ahw, comrade, is that how your mother taught you to treat a woman?"  
"You'll have to ask her when you meet her."  
I rolled my eyes. "Sure, I'm bound to run into her at the supermarket tomorrow." I shook my head. "When would I ever meet your family?"  
"We'll go see them soon. I've met both your parents now, it seems only fair to introduce you to my family."  
I eyed him doubtfully. "As your partner?"  
He shook his head. "As my girlfriend."

To say I was flabbergasted was the understatement of the century. Did he really just say that?  
He took in the look on my face and said casually: "Unless you wouldn't feel comfortable with that. We could make it more official if you'd like. It might seem a little rushed, but we've known eachother for years so I'm sure everyone would accept it."  
I looked down, trying to hide the hurt in my eyes. He couldn't know that he was joking about something I really wanted, had dreamed about even. I answered quietly: "That's not funny Dimitri."  
He sat up, put his finger under my chin and raised it, forcing me to look at him. His eyes bore into mine. "I'm not joking Roza."  
"You're... not?"  
"No, I'm not," he said seriously.

I could hear the truth in his voice and see it in his eyes. His guardian mask had disappeared completely and I was blown away by all the emotions I could read on his face. This wasn't a side of himself Dimitri usually showed to anyone. While he was usually more open with me than with anyone else I knew, and I could often read some of his feelings or opinions even when he tried to hide them, I could count on one hand the occassions where he had truly, completely opened up to me. Honestly, the last time he'd been this easy to read had been years ago, when we shared a bottle of vodka and I awoke in his arms the next morning.

He continued: "I know I was the one who said we couldn't be together. I've struggled with that decision every single day for the past years but since you seemed happy, I assumed it was just me. When you left, and I found out why, I finally realized what a fool I'd been. I love you Roza. I already loved you when I told you I shouldn't, and my feelings have only grown stronger since. No matter how important Lissa is, I never should've placed our jobs above our happiness."

He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "So yes, I want to introduce you to my family, whether as my girlfriend, or my fiancee, or whatever else is upto you. I want a life with you. Not one where I stare at you day in day out from across the room, but one where I wake up next to you, in our own place and get to hold you and laugh with you and be happy. That's all I could think about when I was searching for you for the past weeks, and I can only hope, now that I've found you, that you feel the same way."

All I could do was stare at him, unable to form a sentence or even a coherent thought, and he looked right back at me, uncertainty on his beautiful face. He traveled halfway across the world, made a deal with Zmey and was willing to give up everything he worked so hard for, all for me. So I did the only thing I could think of. I closed the distance between us and, like I'd wanted to do on so many occassions in the past, I finally kissed him.

* * *

We retired to my hotelroom soon after, and for the next couple of days we made up for all the time we'd missed out on. We talked, watched movies, ordered food, took a stroll on the beach at sunset and didn't spend too much time sleeping. On the fourth morning after he'd found me, I woke up early and found Dimitri still asleep next to me. For a long time I looked at him, still unable to believe he was here and all my dreams of being with him had finally become reality. I softly touched his hair, pushing some strands away from his face, before running my fingers down his neck and across his chest, allowing my hand to come to rest over his heart. When I looked back at his face, I noticed he had woken up, and he was smiling at me.

I asked the question that had been on my mind since I woke up. "So where do we go from here? Neither of us has a job to go back to apparently."  
He smiled. "You know, Christian actually said that Lissa didn't think it through properly when she fired me. With both of us being out of a job, we have no reason at all to return to Court."  
"Sparky said that? That's actually... smart." I couldn't even come up with something mean to say, though I suppose the surprise in my voice was insulting enough.  
Dimitri chuckled and I glared at him. "Don't tell him I said that."  
"No need to, I already told him he was completely right. He just asked me to tell you so and take a picture of your reaction."  
I rolled my eyes. "Of course he wants a picture of me, I'm sure he misses my company. I didn't expect him to be desperate enough to enlist your help though."  
Dimitri laughed and pulled me closer. "Yes, I'm sure that's the reason he said it."

I didn't bother replying to that, instead silencing his laughter with a kiss. Eventually we had to breathe and he used that opportunity to ask: "If you could pick anywhere, where would you like to go?"  
His question made me think about the day he found me, and what I had been thinking about while I was enjoying the sun. "You know, I actually made a list of sorts, just before you showed up."  
"You did? What was on it?" I could hear the curiosity in his voice. We'd never really talked about traveling before, seeing as Lissa always made the plans and we just followed along.  
"Lots of places. China, India, Egypt, France. I guess we should go to Russia first though."  
He smiled. "Yes, we should. I can't wait for you to meet my family."  
"Well yeah, there's that too. And it'll allow me to cross some things of the list."

He was quiet for a moment before he raised his eyebrow in disbelief. "Russia made the list?"  
"Hmmm.."  
I looked away from him, instead focussing on trailing my fingers over his chest in swirling patterns. "It's possible I missed you a little when I made the list. Anyway, after all the stories you told me, I figured I'd like to see the Kremlin sometime. And.. well.."  
"Yes Roza?" He asked tenderly.  
"I suppose I was curious about arctic wastelands as well, so I might've put Siberia on the list too."

After all the jokes I'd made about his homeland through the years, I expected him to laugh, but he didn't. He pulled me closer, nearly crushing me against him as he hugged me tightly and kissed my hair. "I love you Roza."  
I smiled against his chest. "I love you too comrade."

* * *

 _ **Author's note: I'm so glad you all agreed the last chapter needed a part 2, because I actually really loved writing this. I suppose it's a bit random at times, but well, nothing is ever straightforward when Rose is involved. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.**_

 _ **On a side-note, is anyone curious about that night with the bottle of Russian vodka?**_


	4. Chapter 4

_Takes place after love fades._

 **Regrets**

 **DPOV**

She sat there, stunned, and then she blurted out. "So that's all I get is it? After everything that happened, that's all you have to say to me?"  
I looked down, unable to face her. She was right, I owed her so much more, but I wasn't capable of giving her what she wanted and needed from me anymore. I was too damaged to even consider it. The least I could give her was an apology though. "I'm sorry Rose, for everything I've done to you. I regret hurting you, more than you'll ever know."

She surprised me by laughing in answer, but where her laughter was normally so warm and full of life, it now sounded hollow, and it pierced my heart.  
"Regret? Don't talk to me about regret comrade," she said scathingly. "You're not the only one with regrets you know. I regret not being able to save you in those stupid caves and I regret not going back for you."  
"Rose..." I tried to interrupt, but she talked over me.  
"I regret not finding you sooner, I regret hesitating when you taught me not to. After Novosibirsk, when I first heard about restoration, I regretted staking you. When I got your first letter, I regretted failing, because no matter how much I wanted you to be alive, I knew you didn't want to live like that. I regret not being able to find out how to restore you sooner, and not being able to free you from that state months ago."

I sat there, stunned, incapable of speech. While I knew me being taken would've hurt her, and I assumed the things I'd done to her in Russia had made it impossible for her to ever forgive me, I hadn't really considered that there'd be other things she would regret. It nearly broke me to know that she had been beating herself up over things she had no control over, and some of the things she had done or been willing to do for me, even if they were incredibly difficult and painful for her.  
Worse was yet to come though, she wasn't done yet. She continued in a whisper, and I had to strain to hear her words.  
"Most of all, I regret coming here today. Because no matter how many things I regret, at least I still had hope. Hope that we'd be okay, that we could work things out, that I hadn't lost you, that you still loved me. And more than anything, I regret losing that."

My heart, which I had thought was frozen and unable to love or even feel anything, had started beating faster while she was talking, little fissures appearing in the middle of her speech and finally shattered into a million tiny pieces at her final words. She stood up and whispered: "Bye comrade," before turning away from me and walking out of the church.

As soon as I watched her disappear through the door, I knew I couldn't let her walk away and leave things like this. I got up and ran after her, not caring about the stares and whispers, or my guards running after me.  
I found her near the wards, sitting on the ground, staring into the forest while tears ran down her face. I approached her carefully, but she gave no indication that she knew I was there. "Rose?"  
She didn't respond, and the only reason I knew that she heard me was because I could see her stop breathing for a moment.

I folded myself onto the ground beside her and looked in the same direction that she did, seeing nothing but darkness, before fixing my eyes on her face.  
"I am so so sorry Roza. I never wanted you to get hurt." I added quietly: "I can't tell you how much I wish you'd never had to go through all this. Perhaps it would've been better if we'd never met. It would've saved you so much pain and regret."  
She looked at me in shock. "No Dimitri, don't even think that for a second. I don't regret meeting you. I don't regret going after you either, I'd make that same choice in a heartbeat. And I definitely don't regret loving you. I wouldn't have missed it for the world."  
She looked out at the forest again. "I just wish it could've lasted longer. I'll always regret losing you."

I stared at her for a long time, long enough for her tears to dry, and the sky to lighten due to the approaching dawn. She didn't talk, nor look at me, and honestly she didn't need to. When I was restored I was consumed by guilt and pain. I thought everyone, and most of all Rose, would judge me for my actions as harshly as I judged myself. In a way, it had been easy to focus on all the wrongs I'd committed, all the people I'd hurt. If everyone blamed me for what I did, if everyone thought that what I did was unforgivable, I didn't have to deal with my guilt or try and move past it.

If anyone would've asked me if I thought Rose had any regrets, I would've instantly told them that she probably regretted coming after me. How could she not, after everything I'd done to her? I didn't expect her to stand by that decision, to be willing to go through it all again, even when the outcome wasn't what she'd hoped for. And even though she told me several times that there was nothing to forgive, it never really hit home until now. Roza truly didn't blame me for what I did, and it forced me to consider why I did.

"There's many things I regret as well," I said quietly.  
"I don't need you to explain why everything that happened in Russia is your fault, because it's not. So don't.. just don't," she muttered.  
I took a deep breath and started talking. "I regret being taken by surprise in the caves. I regret not being there for you when you needed me, like I promised I would. I regret allowing others to comfort me after I was restored, while I pushed you away. I regret not listening to you, really listening to what you said, rather than what I thought you should be saying. I regret focussing on what was, on things I couldn't change, when my future was standing right in front of me."  
While Rose wasn't looking at me, I could tell she was hanging on my every word. "I also regret giving up. But what I regret most, is lying to you."

That finally made her turn her head to look at me. Pain shot through me at the sad, empty look in her eyes. "You lied to me?"  
I nodded. "Yes, I lied. I lied because I thought I was doing the right thing, when really I was just avoiding dealing with my problems. I lied because I was scared. I was, am, a coward Roza."  
"No you're not," she said instantly, but I stopped her from continuing by putting my hand on hers.  
"Yes I am. Please let me explain, because if I don't tell you now, I'm not sure I ever will."  
She nodded and I took a moment to collect my thoughts.

"I know you told me you don't blame me, that there's nothing to forgive, but what if you'd wake up one day in the future and figure out that it really was me who did those things? It was much easier to close myself off from all feelings, to focus on one thing and allow it to take over, than to face the fact that one day you might not want me. I was, am, scared that if I let you near me, one day you'll realize that you're better off without me. Or even worse, we'll both find out that it really was me who did those things, and I'd end up hurting you. I couldn't live with myself if I became like my father Roza."

I stared at the trees in front of us. "You know I blame myself for what I did when I was.. Well you know. And I know you told me over and over again that you had forgiven me, that there was nothing to forgive really, but I couldn't accept that. When I fall asleep I can still see it. See you in that room, in those clothes, waiting for me, never sure if I'd hurt you or bite you or try to turn you. The part that haunts me most is that I liked it. I liked the feeling of power, of complete control over your every move. Every night I wake up, feeling sick to my stomach that I felt that way, that I treated you the way I did."  
"But it wasn't you."

She was starting to sound more like her usual self, her words full of conviction. I wish I could believe them as easily as she seemed to.  
"But what if it was? What if that controlling part of me is still in there somewhere? You know about my father, perhaps I'm more like him than I ever realized. What if, one day, I want to hurt you?" I questioned.  
"You won't," she said stubbornly.  
"Rose.."

I felt her hand on the side of my face as she tried to force me to look at her. I turned my head eventually, but I couldn't meet her eyes.  
"Dimitri, look at me."  
Reluctantly I did, preparing to shift my gaze from hers again immediately, but once I looked into her dark eyes, I couldn't look away. She started talking rapidly. "You won't. You can doubt yourself all you want, but I know you, and I know you would never hurt me like that. It wasn't you Dimitri."  
I started to interrupt her, but she shook her head. "The fact that you feel so incredibly guilty about everything you did proves that as well. If you were actually like that, if you liked hurting people, don't you think you'd have a much easier time moving on from it?"

Her words kept running through my mind as I looked at her, trying to come up with an arguement to prove her wrong but not finding any. It always was difficult to argue with her typical Rose-logic. Her eyes kept searching mine and eventually softened a little. "Okay?"  
I nodded. "Okay."

She looked away and we sat in silence for a few more minutes before she looked at her watch. She sighed. "I guess I should get going. Will you be okay?"  
Sometimes I forgot how incredible she really was. No matter how much my words earlier hurt her, she was still trying to make sure I was going to be alright. "Yes, thank you Roza."  
The old nickname made her freeze for a moment, before she hesitantly asked: "What did you lie about by the way?"  
"Hmm?" I was confused.  
"You said you regretted lieing to me, but what did you lie about?"

I thought back on our conversation, and realized that while I explained why I lied to her, I never actually told her what it was about. I wasn't really sure why. Maybe I thought she knew what I meant, maybe I expected her to figure it out herself, or maybe I had a hard time saying the words. She was looking away from me, her eyes focussed on the ground near her feet. I continued to look at her while I said: "I lied when I said my love had faded."  
Her eyes flew up to mine instantly, shock clear on her face. "You... you did?"  
"Yes, I did."

Rose didn't say anything, still staring at me in shock, but tears started running down her cheeks. Seeing her cry broke me from the frozen state I was in until that point, and I pulled her closer to me. She buried her face against my chest, and I felt tears on my own appearing in my eyes while I wrapped my arms around her tightly. "I'm so so sorry Roza," I whispered over and over again.  
Eventually she calmed down, but she didn't pull away. She only turned her head, making it easier for me to hear her. "Stop saying you're sorry comrade."  
"But I am."  
"I know. And we already established that we both regret a lot of things we did, so I think we should move on from that."

I leaned back and looked into her eyes. "Do you think we can?"  
"Won't know if we don't try." She was quiet for a moment before adding quietly: "I want to try."  
I could hear the hidden question in her words, asking me whether I was ready to start moving on, not forgetting my past but not allowing it to define me either. I wasn't quite sure if I would be able to do it, but there was only one way to find out and only one person I wanted to do that with. "I want to try as well. No more regrets?"  
A beautiful smile appeared on her face, lighting up her eyes and lightening my heart. "No more regrets."

And then she kissed me. It didn't magically fix everything, but I suddenly felt a lot more confident that we could really do this. Together.

* * *

 _ **Author's note: Not really sure where this came from, and it starts out a little depressing, but hey, it all worked out. And I love Rose going all wise and Zen on Dimitri. Anyway, I'm always intrigued by different ways Rose could have reacted to Dimitri's words at the church and how it would've affected everything that happened afterwards. I think the main problem is always going to be getting through to Dimitri, and hearing Rose beat herself up is usually bound to get some reaction out of him.**_

 ** _For those of you wondering whether I will continue on one-shots related to the last 2 chapters, I am working on vodka-night, but I'm having some difficulty on some of the parts. I promise it'll come eventually though, but I'm not sure whether it'll be the next post or the one after that._**

 ** _Have a nice weekend everybody! And as always, I'd be thrilled if you take the time to review._**


	5. Chapter 5

_This takes place a couple of months after "Love fades". Tatiana wasn't murdered and Rose didn't have to run._

 **DPOV**

As I was shutting the door to my room, ready to head outside for a long run, I heard her voice. I couldn't see her yet, she was probably just coming out of the elevator in the hallway that intersected with mine and it sounded like she was on the phone, but I knew without a doubt she was here to see me. I supressed a groan. She had been coming to see me pretty much every day for the past couple of months, and I was more than fed up with it. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with friends, but this particular one had a little more in mind than just being friends, and I really wasn't interested in her that way. No matter how many times I told her though, I just couldnt get it through her head.

Without really thinking about it, I took off for the other end of the hallway, towards the back stairwell. As the door fell shut behind me, shrouding me in darkness, I heard her shout from the other end of the hall. "Dimka!"  
Damnit. I had been hoping I could make it here before she saw me, but she must've just caught sight of my duster. I debated what to do. I could pretend I didn't hear her and run down, hoping I'd make it outside before she got here, or I could turn around and greet her. Or... I could run to the floor above mine, and hope she wouldn't think to check that way. I took off again.

When I reached the floor above, I collided with someone. I didn't stop to think, I used my body to push the person against the wall and put my hand over their mouth while I whispered: "Please be quiet."  
If Tasha followed me, she'd be here at any moment, and I could only hope whoever this was would listen to me. I had no clue who I had run into. This stairwell was only here for emergencies and the single lamp which was supposed to be illuminating it from the ceiling was apparently broken. I made a mental note to report that to maintenance later.

I heard the door on the floor below us opening again, and Tasha's voice echoed through the stairwell. "Dimka?"  
I didn't move and neither did the person I was pressing against the wall. I realized it was a woman at about the same time as I felt her relax against me. More surprising was the fact that her body started shaking, and it took me a moment to understand that she was laughing, though thankfully she managed to keep quiet. That was when the familiarity of her body against mine hit me, as did the smell of her shampoo. Of all the people I could possibly run into, it just had to be Roza.

Tasha called my name once more, before cursing and leaving. When the door closed, I remained where I was for another half minute. I was just making sure Tasha had definitely left, it had absolutely nothing to do with being near Roza for the first time in months.

Sometime shortly after my restoration, I had told Rose that my love had faded, hoping she would finally give me some space. I knew I'd hurt her badly, but at the time I really thought I wasn't capable of love or any kind of relationship anymore, and for the first few days it actually had been a bit of a relief that she didn't come to see me again. After about a week I started thinking about her, then looking for her whenever I entered a room, asking Lissa how she was doing, and after about a month I finally realized I missed her. A lot. Of course by then I had also figured out she was completely avoiding me, and I had absolutely no chance of talking to her. I supposed I deserved it after what I'd said to her, but that didn't make it any less painful.

A small shove against my chest called me back to the present, and I realized I was still standing very close to Rose, pressing her against the wall. I quickly took a step back. "Oh right, sorry about that."  
"No problem," came her voice out of the darkness. I moved my hand in the direction of the door that had to be here and opened it, light flooding through it and illuminating the dark-haired beauty in front of me. Yep, that was definitely my Roza.

I stepped out into the hallway and Rose followed me. I wasn't sure if she'd stick around now that there was no reason to, so I quickly decided I would use this opportunity to talk to her. "I really am sorry Rose."  
She nodded, and I wasn't sure if she assumed it was just about our collision earlier, or if she understood I was sorry about a lot of other things as well. "It's okay, really. Not quite what I expected when I decided to take a shortcut to my room, but anyway."  
I guess she didn't catch the double meaning of my apology. "Good. You didn't get hurt when I pushed you against the wall?"  
"I'm fine, really."

We just stood there for a moment before we both started walking down the hall at exactly the same time. She didn't say anything, but that was okay. It felt good and peculiarly familiar to be near her like this. She stopped at a door about halfway through the hall and said: "This is me."  
I stopped as well and smiled at her. "It was good to see you Rose. Take care of yourself."  
She hesitantly returned my smile. "Thanks, you too."

I looked her over once more before turning and slowly walking away. It was physically hard for me to put distance between us, but I knew I had no choice. I'd gone maybe five yards when she called after me: "Hey Dimitri, what was that about anyway?"  
I turned back to her. "What do you mean?"  
"Why were you running away from Tasha?"

I raised an eyebrow, knowing it would probably annoy her. "How do you know it was Tasha I was running from?"  
She rolled her eyes in answer. "I'm not stupid you know. I know her voice, and besides, she's probably the only one at Court who calls you Dimka."  
Rose had me there and she knew it. I considered for a moment before deciding to tell her the truth. "I just didn't really feel like talking to her. She stops by most days and it's a bit much to be honest."  
She chuckled humourlessly. "Yeah well, can't blame a girl for trying I guess."

There was an undertone to her comment, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I knew she didn't particularly like Tasha, but I wasn't completely sure why. At the resort I knew she was jealous, but that was nearly a year ago and so many things had changed since, so that couldn't really be it could it? I had told her there was nothing between me and Tasha, so she had no reason to be jealous anyway. And if that wasn't enough, the fact that I told Rose there was nothing between me and her either, was probably more than enough to ensure that she didn't care either way. The thought stung, so I pushed it away.

"She knows I'm not interested in her that way Rose," I answered.  
She looked at me for a couple of seconds and then shook her head. "Are you really sure about that?"  
Rose turned away from me, probably meaning to make her way inside. Without consciously deciding to, I found myself moving until I was right behind her and put my hand on her arm. She twisted around and out of my grasp. "What do you want Dimitri?"

Her voice was annoyed, but I didn't pay much attention to it. Now that I was close to her I could see how tired she looked. She also seemed older somehow, the youthful exuberance that was such a big part of her all but gone. She seemed uncomfortable with me looking at her and didn't meet my eye, instead staring just past me.  
"Roza.."  
Her eyes shifted to mine and she glared at me. "What?"  
"Are you okay? Really?"  
She crossed her arms. "I'm fine. Not that it's any of your business."  
"You look tired," I pointed out, ignoring the second part of her answer.  
"Yeah well, you'd be too after working double shifts. But thanks for the compliment."

Neither of us moved. I continued to look at Rose while she kept glaring at me. Eventually I sighed. "You know I didn't mean it like that."  
"Do I?"  
I narrowed my eyes. "Yes, you do. You know me and you know I didn't mean to insult you. I'm just worried about you."  
"I told you, I'm fine!" she said in exasperation. Then she added quietly: "And I'm not sure if I really know you anymore."

Pain lanced through me. Did she really think I had changed that much? She was the only person who had ever really understood me, who had been able to see through my guardian mask and made me open up. Had I destroyed all that in just two sentences? _"I've given up on you. Love fades, mine has."_ I hated myself for saying them. If I could go back in time, I would instantly return to that moment and change it. I'd tell her how very much she meant to me, how much I loved her. But I wasn't a time-traveler, I was just a man. One who had made a very, very stupid mistake all those months ago.

Her eyes were on mine and she looked confused. I wondered how much she could read on my face and in my eyes, but I didnt ask. Instead I touched her cheek before taking a step back. "You'll always know me better than anyone Roza. Better than I know myself."  
She shook her head, though I got the feeling she didn't do it in denial as much as to clear her mind. "Right."

She took a deep breath and then said: "You should talk to Tasha. Tell her how you feel."  
"I told you, she knows I'm not interested in her. You know I told her so last year."  
Her eyes shifted away from me, and after looking around her for a moment she fixed them on her shoes. She said quietly: "Feelings change comrade. You should know that better than anyone. Maybe Tasha thinks that applies to her as well." She shrugged. "Who knows, maybe she's right."

I was frozen for a moment, shocked that she could even think so. Then I raised my hand to her chin, trying to force her to look at me. As soon as she lifted her eyes, I looked right into them, hoping she wouldn't look away, willing her to see the truth as I said: "Feelings like that don't change Roza. I don't feel any different about Tasha now than I did then." I took a deep breath. "And my feelings for you didn't change either."  
Her eyes widened and she backed away from me. "Wh-What?"

She looked stunned. Honestly, completely and totally shocked. Up until now I'd hoped that somewhere deep down she knew I had lied to her, that I loved her too much for that to just disappear. Obviously I had been wrong to hope.  
"My feelings for you didn't change Roza," I said gently. "I loved you then and I love you now."  
"But.. but you said.." She visibly tried to calm herself before whispering: "You said your love had faded."  
"I lied. Or well, I thought it was true at the time, but I was wrong." I sighed. "So very wrong."

Neither of us moved, or spoke, and I didn't think I was breathing either while I waited for Roza's reaction. After a couple of minutes she was still gaping at me. She had opened her mouth a couple of times, but closed it again without saying a word. I didn't blame her, it was a lot to spring on her like this, after I'd told her I'd given up on her. If I were her, I'd need some time to process this as well.

I took a step towards her, and then another, until she was just inches away again. I touched her cheek  
"I just thought you should know Roza. I don't expect anything, I know I screwed up."  
I kissed her forehead, closing my eyes for a moment when my lips made contact with her skin before whispering: "If you ever want to talk or anything, just let me know."  
After a last look at her face, her eyes closed like mine had been, I turned around and walked away.

Just before the doors to the elevator closed behind me, I heard her shouting after me. "Dimitri!"  
I quickly hit the button to open the doors back up and there she was, breathing a little heavier than before, like she had been running. I tried to hide the hope in my voice when I said: "Roza?"  
She got into the elevator too, walked up to me and looked me right in the eye. "I think we should talk." Then she stood on her toes and kissed me. This time I was the one who was shocked, though it lasted for less than a second and then I was kissing her back, elation running through me.

We were interrupted by a loud gasp. Unnoticed by both of us, the doors had closed and the elevator had gone down to the first floor. Roza pulled away from me and turned around, checking to see who had made a sound like that. There, standing a couple of feet in front of us, was Tasha, looking absolutely horrified.


	6. Chapter 6

**Alberta's POV**

He answered after only two rings. "Croft."  
"Is it true?" I asked.  
"Who is this?"  
In my haste to ask the question that had been on my mind for the past few hours, I had completely forgotten to say my name. "It's Petrov."  
I heard him sigh and the creeking of his chair reached me through the phone as well, indicating that he had leaned back. "Alberta, how have you been?"  
"I'm good, but I didn't call for a chat Hans. I've been hearing rumours, I want to know if there's any truth to them."

I knew I was being somewhat rude, but I honestly didn't care at the moment. When I entered the guardian lounge this morning I heard Ruben telling some story he had heard from his cousin. Apparently a group of royals had been attacked last night and at least one, as well as several guardians, had been killed. Then the Court guardians, Ruben's cousin included, had gone on a rescue mission to save the other royals who had been with the group and were captured by the Strigoi.

That in itself would've been unbelievable enough. In general, we don't launch rescue missions. While royals being taken by Strigoi was always a blow to our society, they were usually considered dead and mourned accordingly. The Queen would make a pretty speech, the Royals would declare that whoever had been lost was their closest cousin and would demand more guardians, and the Guardian council would be left to inform the families of the ones who had died, their names never even being mentioned by the Moroi. That was the way things worked in our world.

But while rescue missions were pretty much unheard of, with the exception of the one here at the academy several months ago, that actually wasn't the most astonishing part of this story. According to Ruben's cousin, or so he told us, one of the royals involved had managed to stake a Strigoi, and he had turned back to himself. As in, alive. It was simply impossible.

Honestly, at first I thought Ruben, or his cousin, had had a little too much to drink last night. Over the course of the morning I heard more rumours flying around the school though. A Voda girl was crying because her aunt had been killed. A glum 16 year-old dhampir was picked up by his mother because his half-sister Serena had survived the attack but was in the hospital with critical injuries. One of the teachers who had gotten in a call to another guardian friend who also confirmed there had been a rescue mission, but refused to tell him anything else because Hans had ordered all of them to keep quiet.

So here I was during my lunchbreak, sitting at my desk and calling Hans. We weren't friends exactly, but we had known eachother in school and I respected him, not just as my superior but also as a guardian and a decent man. In return he was one of the first to truly accept me, in a time where female guardians were still scarce. After all the rumours I'd heard today, I figured he would be my best bet for information, and I could only hope he would be willing to share it with me.

Hans had been quiet while those thoughts were running through my head, perhaps considering what to tell me or possibly how to get rid of me. He knew me better than that though.  
"What exactly did you hear Alberta?" He sounded tired, exhausted even, and I felt somewhat bad for bothering him. I needed to know though.  
"There are rumours flying around the school. Something about an ambush, several casualties and a rescue mission."  
He instantly confirmed this part of the story. "That's correct."  
"I also heard.." I paused for a moment. "They say a Strigoi was.. turned back I suppose you could say? That he's alive again?"

There was silence on the other end of the line before Hans swore loudly. "Damnit, I'd hoped to keep that part quiet for a little longer. At least until we know more."  
"It's true?" I gasped.  
He was still swearing under his breath but then seemed to take a deep breath before answering: "We're not entirely sure what happened yet. The doctors are still examining him and running some tests and I'm currently waiting for the Dragomir princess to get back from visiting him. Hopefully she can shed some light on the situation."  
My heard stopped for a moment. "Lissa was involved?"  
He sounded resigned as he said: "I guess I'd best tell you the whole story, or at least the whole story as I know it."

After a moment to collect his thoughts he started: "Yesterday Princess Voda, Princess Dragomir, Lord Ozera and five guardians left Court for a two-day trip. After they returned from dinner they were ambushed in the carpark by a group of Strigoi. Princess Voda and four guardians were killed on the spot. The remaining guardian was severely injured but managed to call it in, informing us Princess Dragomir and Lord Ozera had been taken. She said the Strigoi leader seemed to know them."

My heart felt heavy in my chest. A situation like that was about as bad as it could get. No wonder they launched a rescue mission, Lissa was the last of her line. "Thank God that guardian was able to inform you. Was it.." I was scared to ask. "Was it Rose Hathaway? Is she alive?"  
"No, Hathaway was at Court. She actually came to tell me what happened just seconds after I hung up on Serena. That bond really is quite useful."  
"She wasn't with Lissa?" I asked in surprise.  
"No, she had been down in the archives after a recent unauthorized trip." He sounded honestly exasperated. "I don't know how you put up with her and even got her to graduate with those marks Alberta. That girl has been a thorn in my side since she got here."

I allowed myself a small smile. I knew Rose was a handful, but I wasn't afraid to admit that I had something of a soft spot for her. She had stolen my heart as a heartbroken four-year-old when she her mother left her at the academy and I'd kept a close eye on her since. In some ways she was the daughter I never had.  
"I know she isn't your average guardian Hans, but she really is exceptional. I understand you need to punish her, but don't keep her on a desk job. She could be a great asset," I pleaded.  
He grunted. "Yeah I can't argue with you there. She did great on the rescue last night, very professional and I've rarely seem someone as talented in a fight. I just hope she manages to fix that attitude problem of hers."

He continued his story: "Anyway, we organized the rescue. With Hathaway's inside information we were able to come up with a plan and it worked well. We were able to get to the Moroi but I'm not really sure what happened after that. We were fighting and then there was fire," that had to have been Christian, "and then suddenly there was a flash of white light. When all turned back to normal the Princess was sitting on the floor, comforting the Strigoi leader who had stopped fighting and was instead completely falling apart. He was crying and everything. And he looked.. normal. Tan skin, no red ring around his eyes, no fangs. He was even out in the sunlight when we got back to Court."

He was quiet after that and so was I, trying to take in all of what he had told me. Finally I asked: "Do you think it's true? Is he alive?"  
Hans took a moment to consider before answering: "It seems unlikely but.. Yes I think it's true."  
"You do?" I knew I was repeating myself, but it just seemed too good to be true. If we could find out how this happened, if it could be replicated.. This could change our whole world. Perhaps the people we'd lost through the years could be returned to us, to their families.  
"Yeah I do Alberta. I really do." I could hear the same hope I felt in Hans' voice.

"Thank you for talking to me Hans. I know you must be busy with all this going on."  
"No problem. Honestly, it was nice to get it off my chest. It just seems so.. crazy."  
I smiled. "Crazy sounds about right. Who is it by the way?"  
"Oh right, I didn't even tell you. You know him actually. It's Dimitri Belikov."

My jaw dropped and several pieces fell into place. Of all the people who could have been taken, why attack three well-guarded royals? Why, rather than drain them immediately or turn them on the spot, keep them alive, knowing someone would come for them? Why would Lissa endanger herself to save and comfort a former Strigoi? It all clicked and I knew. Rose. It was all for Rose. Like Rose had left school, left everything, for Dimitri. And now he was back.

I'd guessed there was something going on between them quite a while before the attack. While Dimitri still wasn't the most social guy, he did seem happier and a little more open to interacting with his coworkers soon after he started training Rose. I'd even seen him laughing, actually laughing, a couple of times, but only when Rose was around. In return he seemed to ground her, making her more focussed and more dedicated. She also seemed to enjoy herself more during morning practice those days than she ever did at all of the illegal parties I caught her at.

So I'd guessed, and my suspicions only got worse after the dance, the abduction and Spokane. Still, I never caught them doing anything inappropriate and I never confronted Dimitri about it. If they really loved eachother there would be plenty of obstacles in the way of their relationship. I didn't need to be another of those obstacles when really, I just wanted them to be happy. If they loved eachother, who was I to interfere.

In the end, faith interfered, and my suspicions about their relationship were confirmed when Dimitri was lost in the caves. After everything that had already happened to her, this was actually the first time I saw Rose truly heartbroken, and I seriously doubted she'd ever recover fully from losing him. I wasn't even surprised when Rose dropped out on the morning of her eighteenth birthday. Troubled, yes, but not surprised.

And now he was back and they might have another chance. If any two people in the world deserved a happily ever after, it was them.

Hans had kept quiet while I digested his information, but my thoughts were interrupted when I heard yelling on the other side of the line and Hans sighed heavily. "Right, I gotta go Alberta. I've got to rescue the guy at the front desk from the wrath of Hathaway junior."  
"Rose? Why?"  
He answered in a gloomy voice: "Because, she's trying to get in to see Belikov. And he has begged us not to let her in."

He hung up and I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes, muttering to myself: "Damnit Dimitri."  
I sent up a prayer that he'd come around, and soon. If he pushed Rose away now, she might never recover. Decent guy or not, I loved Rose and if he broke her, he'd have to answer to me.

* * *

 _Author's note: Right, this one is a little shorter, but I thought it'd be fun to find out how Alberta found out about Dimitri's restoration. This seemed as good a guess as any and I hope you liked it!_

 _As for those who wanted me to do a second part to the previous one-shot about Tasha, I'm going to have to disappoint you. I tried, but honestly, I pretty much like it the way it is, and I just couldn't come up with a believable continuation. Sorry! I might do some other one-shots that involve Tasha at a later date though. She does tend to make things interesting :)_


	7. Chapter 7

**A guardian's POV**

The churchdoor opened and then closed again and I could just make out the girl slipping into the back pew. I was standing against the backwall, keeping an eye on the dhampir in front of me. I honestly didn't know why they bothered to keep a security detail on him. At first I got it, sort of, but by now it was totally obvious that he wasn't a danger to anyone. Once upon a time he would have probably been dangerous, both as a Strigoi and as a dhampir, but the only way I could describe him now was harmless. And broken.

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up as the girl made her way down the pew until she dropped down right next to him. She was nothing if not persistent. I had to admit I liked her. Honestly, most of the guardians did. She was loud and pushy, she didn't care much about the rules and she refused to take no for an answer, but it was exactly those things about her that made her an awesome guardian. She was dedicated, and nothing would keep her from protecting her charge, or the man she loved. Not even if that went against said man's express wishes.

Last week the idiot had told her his love had faded. I had been standing in the exact same spot as I was now, my mouth gaping open and I'd been able to witness the pain on her face. I'd been as shocked as she was, mostly because I'd been on the night shift the night before and had heard him calling her name in his nightmares. After his words she ran out of church and he half got up as if to follow her, before falling back down and hiding his face in his hands.

Things hadn't improved for him since. I wasn't the only guardian who had heard his words, and because the guys all respected Hathaway, they treated him with cold civility at best and obvious disdain at worst ever since. He didn't even seem surprised or offended. It was like he expected to be treated that way anyway, like he deserved it. I kept my distance from him as well. I wasn't even sure why, because after another nightshift it was totally obvious to me that he'd lied to her. No man whose love had faded would yell her name like that and then wake up crying. Hathaway didn't know that though, and yet here she was.

It took him a couple of minutes to decide that she wasn't going to leave if he ignored her and he said: "What are you doing here?"  
She shrugged. "Same thing everyone else is comrade, attending services."  
"There's plenty of space up front. It would be much easier to hear the pastor up there." He sounded hostile.  
She leaned back a little and put her feet on the back of the pew in front of her. Not exactly respectful, but I wasn't about to berate her for it. "Nah, I'm fine right here. But don't let me keep you if you want to move closer."

I chuckled quietly. This was the exact devil-may-care attitude that kept getting her in trouble with Hans and I guessed she was using it on purpose to get under Belikov's skin.  
Apparently it worked, because not long after he said: "Just leave me alone Rose."  
"Nope." She made the p pop, and I saw Belikov clenching his fists. She was getting to him alright.  
"I told you, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to be around you either and-"

She cut him off before he could continue. Honestly, those words had to hurt her, but she didn't show it. "Yeah yeah, I know. You've given up, your love has faded, I remind you of all the awful shit that happened. Trust me, you made your point last week."  
"Then _why_ are you here?" he asked in exasperation.  
"Because I want to be. Just because you've given up on us doesn't mean I will as well."

He was looking at her and I could see his face from the side. His eyes were wide and he was opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something but forgot how to talk. I guess that was an improvement from last week. At least he couldn't say anything to hurt her further.  
Eventually he recovered the ability to speak. "Leave me alone Rose."  
"No."  
Her continued refusal stunned him for a moment, but I could tell he was getting worked up. I considered asking her to leave, not wanting Belikov to get truly agitated, but decided against it. In my opinion, she deserved to say whatever she wanted to say, and I had the feeling she'd be able to handle him. If not, I was close enough to help her out.

Belikov turned to pleading next. "Rose, please. This isn't going to change anything."  
She shrugged again. "Still not going anywhere."  
"Rose!" he hissed.  
"What?" she snapped back.  
"Go! Leave me alone! I don't.. I can't.. I'm not who you remember. Move on with your life, leave the past in the past!"

He was shaking, with rage or frustration or suppressed emotions or all of the above. Rose regarded him carefully for a couple of moments before standing up. This seemed to relax him a little, until she bent towards him and said: "This still isn't over comrade. I'll leave now because I don't want you getting upset with all these people around, but you should remember that it's not upto you to decide whether _I_ move on or not. I know you're confused, and hurting and feeling guilty and whatever, but that doesn't change anything for me."

She straightened up. "I love you, and I fought like hell to get you back. I'm not just going to give up because things get difficult. If I did, I would've done that back in March and we wouldn't be here now would we?."  
Belikov looked down. "I don't want you to waste your time on me."  
"Sucks to be you then, but it's not your decision to make."  
He gave it one last try. "Rose, please.."  
"See you soon comrade!"

She turned around and quietly walked away from him and out of the church. Belikov's shoulders dropped and he once again hid his face in his hands. Her refusal to give up on him had definitely gotten to him. I had to admit, I was kinda jealous. Not that I wanted to be in his shoes, but I do wish I had someone like Rose Hathaway in my life to fight for me like that.

* * *

She left him alone for five days. His security detail was now made up of just me and Guardian Durand. Guess Hans decided that Belikov was mostly safe, and I had a suspicion that he only kept us assigned here in case someone bothered Belikov, rather than the other way around. It had happened several times since he was released from jail. Mostly royals blaming him for every one of their family or friends who was ever killed or taken, no matter how long ago it'd happened. They'd yell at him and ask him what he did to them and he'd only look down and apologize over and over again, even when it was highly unlikely he had anything to do with it. Guilt was a bitch, at least to Belikov.

He'd taken to going out only late at night or early in the morning, or sometimes even in the middle of the night if his nightmares woke him and he wouldn't go back to sleep. So here we were, at two in the afternoon human-time, in one of the courtyards. Belikov was sitting on one of the many benches that were scattered around Court and I was standing nearby. Not that I'd ever admit it to anyone, but it was kind of nice. I missed the sun, and lately I'd gotten to spend quite a bit of time in it. Before I'd been assigned to guard Belikov I was on regular patrols, meaning I was outside pretty much from sunset to sunrise, after which I spent the daylight hours inside for food, training and sleep.

To my surprise someone was making their way over to us from the other side of the courtyard, coming from the direction of one of the bigger gyms. I recognized her as Hathaway and I wondered what she was doing outside at this time. I bit back a chuckle as I watched Belikov stiffen as he noticed her presence and she sat down beside him anyway. She really wasn't the type to give up easily.

"Well hello there comrade, fancy seeing you here," she said brightly.  
The only reply she was given was a curt "Rose." but she wasn't about to let that discourage her.  
"It's nice out isn't it? Gotta enjoy the sunshine while we can."  
Belikov still kept quiet so she leaned back and closed her eyes, a smile on her face as she did exactly what she said, enjoy the sunshine.

He sneaked a couple of glances at her and when he was sure her eyes were closed he seemed to observe her more closely. He mostly looked detached but occasionally his mask disappeared and I caught a glimpse of longing, pain or regret. Eventually he couldn't stand it anymore.  
"Why are you here Rose?"  
She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Told you, enjoying the sun."  
"You can do that anywhere. Why here?" He sounded tired.  
She shrugged. "The rest of Court is kind of empty at this time, so when I saw you I figured a little company would be nice."

He looked at her in disbelief while I looked on in admiration. Hathaway was giving a whole new meaning to the word stubborn and I liked it. She met his gaze without looking away and after a while he was the one to break eye-contact and look down. "I wish you'd just leave me alone like I asked you."  
"You know, I don't think you actually ever asked me," she said thoughtfully. "I'm pretty sure you just ordered me to a couple of times, and you know what I'm like with orders."  
A somewhat hopeful look appeared on his face. "Rose, will you leave me alone? Please?"  
She considered his question for a moment before: "No."

Belikov was getting frustrated again. He ran his hand through his hair and glared at her. "Why not?"  
She glared right back at him. "I told you, just because you've given up doesn't mean I'm going to."  
"So what, you're going to spend the rest of your life bothering me? Nothing is going to happen Rose. Things changed. _I_ changed. No matter what happened between us before, it's over. _We're_ over."

Ouch, that had to hurt. She recoiled for a moment but then she steeled herself and faced him again. "No Dimitri, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life _bothering_ you. But you can't expect me to just throw away what we had because you're upset and feeling guilty. I get it you know, I know you feel horrible about the things you did when you were Strigoi. But it wasnt you!" she said vehemently.  
"It was!"  
"No it wasn't! And don't interrupt me, I wasn't done!"

His eyes hardened but he kept his mouth shut, so she took a deep breath to calm herself and continued: "I know you blame yourself, but one day you'll at least have to accept that I don't. It wasn't your fault that you were taken, and whatever happened after that wasn't your fault either. If you need time to come to terms with that then I understand. And if you think that's easier if I keep my distance for a while, then just tell me so. But don't just throw away everything we had, pushing me out of your life completely, because bad stuff happened to you."

He crossed his arms. "Bad stuff happened to other people because of me. To you."  
"Yeah well, bad stuff happened to you because of Nathan, and bad stuff happened to Nathan because of God knows who else. I'm sure it's a long list and it'd take years to figure out who started the whole thing. If you think that'd help though, I'd be more than willing to look into it."  
He shook his head. "That's not how things work Roza."  
"I think it is," she answered stubbornly.

They were once again locked in a staring contest before eventually Hathaway stood up. "One day you're going to have to forgive yourself Dimitri. You can't go the rest of your life carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It'll destroy you."  
"What I did was unforgivable."

She studied him for a moment before she sighed heavily. "So you keep saying. But whether you like it or not, I still have hope that one day you'll see that you're wrong and I want to be there when it happens. I know that's not going to happen from one day to the next, but at least try Dimitri."  
He shook his head. "I can't."  
"Well I hope you're wrong. You might've lost your life or soul or whatever in that stupid cave, but I lost part of myself as well. When you were taken, a part of my soul was ripped away as well. And I think the man you were that day, the man I love more than anything in the world, is still in there somewhere," she said, pointing at his chest. "And I'm willing to wait for you."

Belikov looked pained. "You shouldn't wait for me Rose. You have to move on with your life and forget about me."  
"Yeah right," she snorted. "And no worries, I'm not going to wait forever. I love you and I think we deserve another chance at happiness, and I think you shouldn't decide that it's impossible in the state you're in now. But if you really can't forgive yourself then you're right, we can't be together anymore. I just hope you realize that if that's the case, the part of myself that I lost that day in the caves will be gone as well."

Hathaway turned away from him and walked away. As she passed me she nodded her head in my direction. I nodded back and gave her a small smile. It might not be much, but hopefully she understood that I admired what she was trying to do and would make her feel a little better after Belikov's harsh words earlier. The corners of her mouth turned up a little in answer.

Less than half a minute later Belikov stood up and walked towards me. I fell into step beside him and we made our way back to the guardian building in silence. Around halfway there I decided to speak up. "I think you should try you know."  
"Try what?" I rarely talked to him, but if he was surprised by my words he didn't show it.  
"To forgive yourself."  
He shook his head and sounded depressed as he answered: "It's not that easy."  
"No I'm sure it's not."

I took a moment and then I pointed at the slim figure walking quite a ways ahead of us, her dark hair dancing in the wind. "But things haven't been easy for her either, and yet, she's still fighting. She isn't taking the easy way out."  
He chuckled and for the first time since I'd met him there was some real humor there. "Rose would never go for the easy way out. If you'd make her choose between a simple road and an unstable wooden bridge over a ravine leading to an active vulcano, she'd probably take the second option just for the sake of a challenge."  
I laughed. "Yeah that sounds like Hathaway."

When we got to his room Guardian Durand was already waiting for us. He opened the door and went inside but I put my hand on Belikov's arm to stop him from following. "I think everyone deserves a future Belikov. Don't get too hung up on what you can't change. I think every single guardian alive would kill to have what you're throwing away."  
I didn't wait for his answer before walking away and making my way to my room. It was time to get some sleep.

* * *

 _Author's note: I have to admit, I like this guy! Nothing like an outsider's perspective sometimes.  
Obviously nobody tried to kill the Queen here and thus Rose wasn't arrested. What do you guys think would've happened without those events in the books?_


	8. Chapter 8

**DPOV**

I held my breath for a moment as she walked onto the bridge. When the guardians closed in from both sides I knew there was no way she was getting out of this situation.

I hadn't known about their plan to trap her on the bridge. Like the other guardians, I'd been part of planning the end of year trials, but as soon as the main obstacle course had been designed Alberta told me I was not to be involved any further. Apparently one of the guardians, probably Alto, had voiced a suspicion that I would train Rose to specifically overcome the obstacles she'd be facing. It was stupid of course, I'd never do anything like that. I didn't want to train Rose for any specific situation, I wanted to teach her how to survive against any opponent, in any environment. It was in her best interest, and therefore in mine, to prepare her to face the unexpected.

Before her trials started I had given her some final advice and then wished her luck. She'd told me: "Don't worry, comrade. I can do this blindfolded. Hell, maybe I actually will. Do you have anything I can use?" She'd eyed me suggestively. "If you're nice to me, I'll even let you tie it on."  
I'd bitten back a smile and instead shook my head in exasperation. "Rose, I swear, sometimes it feels like every day with you is my own personal trial."

While I watched her trying to think her way out, I thanked my lucky stars now that she wasn't actually blindfolded while doing this. Daniel, her "Moroi" was just ahead of her, facing a "Strigoi", while three more were coming up behind them. Honestly, I didn't see a way out that wouldn't involve Daniel or Rose, or both, getting injured or, if these were real Strigoi, being killed.

The solution that made the most sense to me was for Rose to get beside Daniel and keep making their way to the end of the bridge. When they'd get there she should engage the Strigoi and encourage Daniel to use the moment of distraction to run away. With a little luck Rose would be able to kill the Strigoi quickly and catch up with him. If not, well, at least she'd have bought her Moroi some time while she slowed down his pursuers.  
There was another option, but it wasn't sensible. She could cut the bridge, which would at least eliminate the threat behind her. But there was a good chance Daniel would fall, either at the moment of the fall or afterwards, when he would have to hang on while Rose fought Randall. There was a slim chance they could both make it out that way though.

Rose reached the same conclusion I had, and Rose being Rose she went with the least sensible option. I watched in confusion as Daniel stopped moving and crouched down and Rose yelled at him. And then I saw her knife swing out and she cut the ropes.  
"I'll be damned.." Emil muttered beside me. "She's meant to fail this part. We designed it specifically to test her willingness to get her Moroi to safety at the cost of her own life."  
I didn't respond, I just kept watching.

Daniel actually managed to hang on, as did Rose. Rose climbed over him, took out Randall, coaxed Daniel to climb up and then moved on to the next challenge like nothing had happened. I watched in admiration as she completed the rest of her trials. She never showed any signs of exhaustion or wariness. She kept fighting, moving from one task to the other, completing all of them without difficulty. She never hesitated and didn't pull any of her punches. She fought like she was a one-woman-army. An unstoppable force I was sure nobody here could, or would want to, oppose.

And then she was done. When I glanced at the clock I saw I had been watching her close to an hour. I grabbed a bottle and made my way over to her, but I didn't even make it halfway. She had stood frozen, but when she caught sight of me she ran to me at full speed. I was just in time to catch her when she threw herself into my arms. I held her while the applause from the stands went on and on and on.

Eventually we released eachother and I handed her the bottle of water. She chucked it down, in desperate need of rehydration, while I put my arm around her shoulders and escorted her back to the barracks. I got her to sit down in a corner and handed her another bottle and a granola bar while I checked her for injuries. Some of the novices had needed to be seen by Dr. Olendzki when they finished their trials, but even though Rose's trials had been more difficult than the others, she came away with just a few bruises and scratches.

"That's it?" she asked incredulously.  
I chuckled. "Yes Roza, that was it. You've been out there for nearly an hour."  
I sat next to her and pulled her into another hug. "Roza, Roza, Roza, you did amazing." She looked up at me, still smiling widely and I smiled back, in awe at the girl in my arms. "You _are_ amazing. I'm so, so proud of you."  
She glanced around and when she didn't see anyone, she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. The kiss didn't last long, it was too much of a risk to take really, but it was just what we needed. Honestly, I could've kissed her all day, and soon I could do exactly that. We had been waiting for this day for so long.

Rose sniffed and then grimaced. "I really need a shower comrade. See you at the marking ceremony?"  
"Of course, I'll be standing at the back." I squeezed her hand and then let go. She nodded, grabbed her bag and walked away. Just before she turned the corner I could see her brace for impact, but before I could get worried I heard an excited shriek and saw a slim figure with long blonde hair launching herself at Rose. I couldn't help but laugh with the excited girls.

"You're lucky nobody saw that Dimitri."  
I turned around and came face to face with the head of the school guard. "Alberta?"  
She crossed her arms. "Don't play dumb, you know exactly what I'm talking about."  
"I'm sorry. It was just the excitement and I thought there was nobody around. I should've been more careful." I looked down in embarrassment. We had done so well, we were just hours away from graduation and now Alberta had caught us. It didn't matter that Rose would no longer be a student by tonight. If Alberta reported this to Hans, my career would already be over by then.

I probably should have said that it shouldn't have happened, but I couldn't. It somehow implied that what we were doing was wrong, that I regretted loving Rose. It'd be a betrayal to our relationship.  
"Yes, you should have," Alberta said sternly, before a smile crept onto her face. "To be honest I'm surprised you two have managed to keep it hidden for this long. I've been worried someone would figure it out and come to tell me about it. You know I would've had to fire you."  
I gaped at her. "You knew?"  
"Of course I knew Belikov. I didn't get my position by being unobservant." She sounded a lot like Rose when she said that, and I actually half expected her to roll her eyes at me.

She regarded me thoughtfully for a moment before giving me a brief hug. "Make her happy Dimitri. You both deserve it."  
I gave her a genuine smile. "Thank you Alberta, for everything."  
"Guardian Belikov!" A voice called behind us.  
Alberta chuckled and muttered her under her breath: "You should be _very_ thankful she didn't show up five minutes earlier."  
She smiled at Janine and left to watch the next trials.

I looked at the small, red haired woman in front of me and said politely: "Guardian Hathaway, it's nice to see you again."  
She nodded sharply and said: "You too. I wanted to thank you for taking the time to mentor my daughter. I know she probably made it very difficult but you did a great job with her. I honestly hadn't expected you to achieve these results. I just hope Rosemarie knows what a big favor you did by taking her on as your student."

At that moment I was indeed incredibly thankful that Janine hadn't shown up five minutes earlier. Not because Rose would have been kissing me, but because Janine would have had no problem saying these exact words while her daughter was right there. Rose had worked very hard to get where she was, and these words would've hurt her.  
"It was my pleasure Guardian Hathaway. I would thank you, but it was actually Rose who did all the work. I've never seen anyone as talented and dedicated as your daughter, and I'm honored to have been given the possibility to get to know her. You should be very proud of her." I was calm, but I made no effort to hide the chill in my voice and I could see my words hit home.  
She backtracked immediately, saying: "Yes, yes, of course I am. Very proud."

To be fair, she probably _was_ proud of Rose. They had started mending their relationship over the past couple of months, and I knew Rose was happy about it. Janine would never be able to make up for her absence in Rose's life, but if she made an effort she could at least be a part of her future. Hopefully Janine would learn to be a little more positive about her own flesh and blood though.

* * *

A couple of hours later I was standing at the back of guardian lounge, watching as one by one the graduates were given their promise marks. The room was filled to capacity, guardians, teachers and family having shown up to support the new additions to our ranks. And my Roza was one of them. She'd done it. She had graduated. Her academic grades were decent, which was a miracle in and of itself, she was top of her class in combat and she had received the highest trial score St. Vladimir's had ever seen. As her mentor, I couldn't be prouder.

On a more personal level I couldn't be happier. We had both been waiting for this moment for months. After the cabin we had been careful, and other than a few stolen moments here and there we had managed to behave ourselves. But now Roza was no longer my student, she had turned 18 several months ago and just this morning I had received confirmation that my transfer had been approved, effective from the moment we set foot on Court grounds. Since Rose wouldn't officially be assigned to guard Lissa for another few days, there was absolutely nothing to stand in our way anymore.

As the graduate with the highest scores, Rose was the last one to get her mark. Everyone watched and as soon as she was done, the whole room errupted in cheers and applause, people milling around, talking to their children or former students. I nodded at a couple of them while I made my way across the room, taking a moment to shake hands with Eddie and offering him a heartfelt congratulation. Our short conversation was interrupted when I heard Rose call my name from nearby, and I turned just in time to see her push through the crowd before she launched herself at me.

This was it. From now on we could be together and I could show the world how much I loved this wild girl.  
I pulled back and saw her smiling up at me. I was just about to kiss her, right here in the middle of the full lounge when someone coughed behind us. We turned around and came face to face with a suspicious looking Janine.

On second thought, it was probably a good thing I hadn't kissed Roza yet. A bloodbath would definitely ruin her graduation.  
Janine nodded at me. "Belikov."  
I nodded in answer and Rose let go of me to give her mom a hug. "Hi mom. Thanks for being here."  
Janine's gaze softened as she wrapped her arms around her daughter. "I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Congratulations."

Rose smiled at her mother's obvious sincerity. Janine smiled back hesitantly before shifting from one foot to the other, looking oddly nervous. She looked behind her and beckoned someone over to join us. A second later a man showed up next to her, a wide smile on his face, showing off his fangs.  
I shifted uncomfortably as soon as I recognized him, but he only had eyes for Rose. A moment later Janine spoke up and I understood why. "Rosemarie, I was looking for you because... Well.. I would like to introduce you to your father."

Roza's eyes went wide with shock, and I was sure mine had as well. Abe Mazur, better known as Zmey, was Rose's father. Thank God I hadn't kissed her just now, this situation was bad enough as it was.  
Rose recovered from the shocking news before I did and she looked him up and down appraisingly. "Old man."  
Zmey grinned. "Little girl. I've been waiting for a long time to meet you."  
She narrowed her eyes in answer. "I'd say the same, but until two minutes ago I had no clue you existed."  
"We had our reasons. I'll explain later," Janine said, unable to meet her daughters steely gaze.

I didn't expect Rose to go along with this. I was actually waiting for her to demand to know the reasons here and now. But instead she agreed quietly and her mother heaved a sigh of relief. I didn't. I was watching Roza and I saw a dangerous glint appearing in her eyes, making her look a lot more like Zmey than I was quite comfortable with. Then she said cheerfully: "I'm glad you're here actually, I was just about to come looking for you." She smiled at me and added: "Mom, dad. I would like to introduce you to my boyfriend."

дерьмо. And here I thought this situation couldnt get any worse.

* * *

 ** _Author's note: Happy new year everyone! May you all find your own personal Dimitri (or Roza) this year, if you haven't already._**

 ** _I'm sorry for the long time in between updates. I'd been planning a Christmas-story but about 3000 words in I suddenly couldn't find the words anymore, nor could I see where it was going, and after a couple of days of struggling with it I abandoned it for the time being. That kind of killed my inspiration all together and thus I now have at least five half-written one-shots sitting in my documents, while I distracted myself by reading Hunger Games fics (some of those are awesome by the way!)._**

 ** _Anyway, I'm trying to get back into things, but I'm not entirely sure when the next update will be. If you have any prompts/ideas you'd like to see me write on, leave a review or send me a message and maybe it'll help me through this block._**

 ** _Hope you guys enjoyed this one at least. Not the best I've written, but I did really like the idea of Rose giving Janine a taste of her own medicine so to speak._**


	9. Chapter 9

_As requested, a continuation of the last one-shot. Enjoy!_

 _And since I haven't posted a disclaimer in a while: Vampire Academy and all of it's characters are owned by Richelle Mead. I merely own the hoops I'm making them jump through._

 **APOV**

Seeing my daughter for the first time in over eighteen years was amazing. The little baby I had held in my arms all those years ago had turned into a smart, strong, passionate young woman. The reports I had received over the years and the pictures I had seen of her didn't do her justice. I had rarely seen anything as awe-inspiring as her trials this afternoon, and judging by the murmurs I had heard around the bleachers, I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Even Janine had been very impressed. Not that she'd ever admit it.

Actually meeting her, hearing her voice and being able to observe her and talk to her, was an experience I'd never forget. Honestly I had half expected her to throw a scene as soon as Janine finished the introduction. The Hathaway-temper was very familiar to me, and I had heard enough stories to know that Rosemarie possessed it in large quantities. She surprised me when she quickly recovered from the shock of it and observed me. I was quite disappointed until the first words out of her mouth were an insult, and at my reply she instantly narrowed her eyes at me. And then she turned the tables on us altogether. The little girl obviously takes after me.

I looked at the man next to her. I didn't really know him, though I did know of him. We had only ever had a single conversation and that was a very long time ago. When his mother had walked around Baia years ago, carrying the marks of her abusive relationship for all to see, Dimitri Belikov had been walking behind her, glaring at everyone who stared at her until they looked away. I was impressed with the then twelve-year-old's attitude and approached him a couple of days later.

One would think any kid would jump at the offer to make their abusive parent disappear at the mere cost of working for me for a couple of years. I certainly expected him to. Honestly it was a double favor if you asked me. He would rid their lives of the poisonous presence of Randall Ivashkov and have a well-paying job waiting for him as soon as he graduated. It was more than most dhampirs could ever expect. Court guardians received a ridiculously low salary and terrible accommodations in return for long days with a high probability of death within the first five years.

Dimitri Belikov however did not agree with me. He politely thanked me for my offer but informed me that the relationship between his parents was a private matter. He added that he was working hard in school in the hopes of guarding his best friend Ivan Zeklos after they left the academy and that while he was honoured I considered him worthy of working for me, he had made his friend a promise and was unwilling to go back on it.

In short, he declined both of my offers, though in the politest manner possible. He was the first to refuse me anything in years and while most people are terrified of denying me anything, a simple dhampir boy had no problems doing exactly that. He didn't ask for time to consider his options, he simply turned me down without a second thought. To my surprise I was impressed rather than annoyed. That kind of integrity and honor couldn't be bought and I think few people could appreciate how rare such characteristics really were. I knew from experience that nearly everyone could be corrupted, as long as you offered them the right incentive.

When a story reached my ears a year later that there had been another incident at the Belikov house and the young boy had beat up his father and kicked him out of the house, my admiration grew. Just to be sure his efforts weren't wasted I paid a visit to dear Rand and _suggested_ he never bother the family again. It was the first time I'd done a favor without receiving anything in return, but in my opinion such bravery should be rewarded. I valued family, and especially their safety, above anything. That was what made me stay away from Rose until today, and that was also the reason I decided to help out the Belikov family, unbeknownst to them. A man who was willing to physically defend his family was a man I could admire. Even if Dimitri Belikov was only thirteen.

It was obvious Janine was flabbergasted by the news Rose just dropped on us, but I honestly wasn't as surprised as she seemed to be. Honestly, I didn't understand how Janine could be this shocked after what she told me happened when they found Rose in Spokane. All of the reports I had received over the past year had certainly indicated a level of trust and intimacy that was more than the normal bond between mentor and student warranted. Yuri certainly had his doubts. He'd been friendly with Belikov and had seen changes in him, and in Rose, that cast doubt on the nature of their relationship. Shame really, what happened to Yuri in that attack. He had been a useful asset.

I could see that Janine was about to explode, but I didn't quite feel the same way. Not that I wouldn't gladly tear of some of Belikov's nails or break a kneecap, or perhaps some fingers, simply because the man would be touching my daughter. And perhaps it wouldn't hurt to threathen him a little, just to remind him to treat her well and who he would be dealing with. All in all though, I wasn't against their relationship per se. At least I could count on Belikov to put her safety first and I knew that if he told me he truly loved her I could take his word for it. And he'd better tell me that, because I wasn't about to allow my only child to settle for anything less than true love. Call me sentimental.

Janine's face had turned red, then white, and finally a impressive shade of purple at Rose's revelation. I could easily recognize the flash of satisfaction in my daughters eyes while she observed her mothers reaction to the news. As a parent I should probably disapprove of her attitude but I had to admit it was entertaining to see Janine like this. I'd never met anyone else who could get under her skin like I could, but it was a talent my little girl had obviously inherited. And it was a lot more fun to watch when I wasnt the person on the receiving end of her anger.

Janine finally pulled herself together enough to spit out: "Boyfriend? Since when?!"  
Rose made a point of checking her watch. "Hmmm, about ten minutes I guess? Fifteen maybe."  
The casual answer did exactly what she probably expected it to do, which was to make Janine even angrier. I was a little curious to see which side of her would win; the proper guardian who'd never make a scene in the middle of her peers, or the very pissed off mother who wasn't in the least entertained by our kid's attitude.  
She spluttered: "Ten minutes? Ten minutes?!"

Her voice was rising, as was the color in her face again, and I decided to stop her right there. Janine could be fiery when she lost control of her temper, and it would probably be better to continue this conversation in a different setting. "Keep it down Janine, no need to do this here. Why don't we take this somewhere more private?"  
I glanced around, meeting the eye of everyone who'd started paying attention to our little group, smiling pleasantly, sort of, at most, narrowing my eyes at some. It didn't take long until everyone is the room was studiously ignoring us. Belikov was muttering under his breath in Russian and I caught a few words that I didn't appreciate being used around my daughter. We would discuss it later.

"I'm not sure private is a good idea old man. I'm pretty sure that the last private meeting involving you and mom is exactly what got us here in the first place."  
She was answered by two shouts of "Rose!". Janine sounded appalled and Belikov's voice was full of disapproval. I merely grinned at her. Guess she got her guts from me as well. "Well I'm sure we can all agree that the results were spectacular Rosemarie. And that wasn't the last time."  
Janine's reproachfull eyes turned on me next and Rose's eyes widened in horror. "Ugh! Stop! Too much info, I do NOT want to know!"  
I smiled innocently. "You're the one who brought it up."  
"I.. Damnit."

She turned to the man next to her. "Dimitri, do you know anywhere we can talk to my _parents_?" She said the last word like it was something dirty and my smile grew wider. Rose clearly wasn't the type to respect anyone simply because it was expected of her. In my opinion it was a healthy attitude to have in our society where name and status decided who was worthy. I'd seen enough disgusting habits and dirty secrets from royals to know that status and moral superiority were most definitely not the same thing. Her attitude would go a long way in keeping her safe if she'd start spending more time at Court.

* * *

"Ten minutes! Really Rosemarie?"  
"Eighteen years mom? Seriously?" Rose mimicked her mother's tone exactly.  
"That's completely different! Did you even think it through? I bet you didn't even have time to do that," Janine scoffed. Rose opened her mouth to interrupt and shout right back at her when Belikov took her hand and squeezed it. I watched in fascination as she turned to him and there was a moment of unspoken understanding between them before she closed her mouth and backed down. Interesting.

"Did you consider what's on the line when this gets out? Your careers, the safety of the Dragomir princess, the respect of your peers? You're too young to understand the implications of your actions! Your name will be tainted, we'll lose everything I worked so hard for! If you there's some sort of.. tension..," I could see Janine choking on the word before she continued: "between the two of you, do something about it. But don't make more of it than it should be. And for heaven's sake, don't go announcing it to the whole world!"

I wasn't sure how this conversation suddenly seemed to turn into a parental sex-talk but I suddenly felt an unfamiliar desire to be anywhere but here. Belikov looked aghast and Rose gaped for a moment before she finally, truly lost the grip on her own temper. "Mom! What the fuck! That's.. are you insane?"  
"I understand that you have.. needs Rosemarie." Janine obviously shuddered at the thought, and honestly so did I. "Everyone does, and I'm sure that it can be difficult to deal with as a teenager with all of those hormones, especially when you're often physically close to someone during training. But if you can't move past it, you do something about it and you get it out of your system. It's not.. unheard of with our solitary lifestyles. It's.. part of human nature so to speak. Really, I get it, I was young once too."

All three of us stared at Janine in shock, though probably for very different reasons. By the looks of it Belikov and Rose were horrified by her suggestion, or even the fact that we were discussing it at all. In my case it was about something else entirely. Yes I was stunned at Janine's little speech, but more than anything, I was pondering if she was speaking from experience. And if so, which jackass had put his hands on her for a little _entertainment_ or _relief from their solitary lifestyle_. I'd get Sergei to research any former guarding partners of hers as soon as we got out of here.

Rose was the first to recover. "Yeah well, I'm sure we all know what happened when _you_ were young. I might not be great at math but it's not exactly hard to figure out how old you were when you had me."  
She had a point. Janine and I had met when she had only just started working as a guardian, and Rose came along soon after. "Rose.."  
"No! This is not about getting laid mom. Trust me, if that's all I wanted there'd be plenty of Moroi willing to do the job." Belikov visibly winced. "Would that be more acceptable to you? I would've thought you'd be happy that at least with Dimitri I have zero chance of getting knocked up like you did."

There was a flash of disappointment on Belikov's face but it was gone as soon as it appeared. Again, I wasn't completely surprised. Even as a teen he had clearly been a boy who cared greatly about his family, and I had heard the rumours about the offer that Ozera-woman made him. Good thing he turned her down, some people really shouldn't procreate and the unstable wannabe-fighter was top of the list in my opinion. Still, if having a family was something he had wanted, he was giving up quite a bit to be with Rose. Now was not the time to question him though. I'd just add it to the list of things to discuss in the private conversation I would be having with him soon.

"Just because Dimitri and I only made it official ten minutes ago, though it's actually more like half an hour by now, doesn't mean that we didn't think it through. This isn't about sex. I love Dimitri. Everyone, and that includes you, can either deal with it or you can go screw yourselves. I'm more than willing to sacrifice my life for the Moroi, but as long as I do my job they can't keep me from loving someone while I'm alive to do it."

Rose was breathing heavily by the time she finished but her rant had finally rendered Janine speechless. I considered her words for a moment before I turned to Belikov and looked at him closely. He was looking at Rose and it was easy to see the admiration and awe on his face. He obviously cared about her. As if he felt my eyes on him, he straightened up a little and met my gaze. "Anything you'd like to add boy?"  
"Yes sir." He looked down at Rose with a warm smile and her eyes softened considerably. "I love Rose and I will do everything I can to make her happy and keep her safe."  
I narrowed my eyes at him. "And what about Janine's objections?"

"When I first became aware of Rose's feelings for me, and mine for her, I held the exact same objections. I even explained to Rose why we could never be together. It wasn't so much my job or my reputation I was worried about, but I didn't want to be responsible for destroying Roza's future. It took me a while to realize that having to keep our distance made both of us unhappy. I nearly lost Rose on a number of occassions and I came to the conclusion that being happy and making her happy was more important than other people's opinions. That left the weightier objections so I considered ways to deal with those."

He seemed to gather his thoughts of a moment before continuing. "For obvious reasons we couldn't be together until after Rose finished school. After graduation we would be partners in protecting Vasilisa, but I have known for months that I could never put someone else's life above Rose's." I heard Janine's gasp beside me. From a guardian point of view that was probably the worst thing for him to admit to, but as a father I was exceedingly glad to hear it.  
"Just this morning I received confirmation that my transfer request has been granted and I will be assigned a different charge as soon as we arrive at Court. Rose will still be able to guard Vasilisa without any extra risk to her or ourselves because of our relationship."

Janine spluttered: "It doesn't matter. You know how everyone regards guardians in a relationship, especially with another guardian. Your reputations will be ruined, everyone will talk about you behind your backs."  
Rose rolled her eyes. "Everyone has talked about me for _years_.I doubt me being with Dimitri is gonna be more of a scandal than me and Liss running away or those bloodwhore rumors that I know are still going around."  
Belikov added: "We're both well aware of the fact that our relationship will be frowned upon by some, but honestly, I think that's a small price to pay for being happy."

Both of them had obviously made up their minds and nothing we could say would make them change anything. There were still plenty of things to discuss, like what exactly _did_ happen between them before graduation, or the age difference, or what would happen if Rose would fall for someone else considering she was still quite young to make a decision like this. Still, now was obviously not the time and place for that, and I finally suggested we'd get to know eachother after we all relocated to Court. Janine was reluctant to comply but Rose and Belikov nodded in agreement.

After a moment of silence Janine finally broke the tension in the room by complimenting Rose on her trials and they made their way outside talking about the execution of some sort of kick and the best way to stake a Strigoi if they were behind you. Belikov followed and I fell into step beside him. Janine and our daughter had just turned into the next hallway ahead of us when I put my hand on his arm to keep him from following them. He turned to me and I immediately fixed him with the icy glare that had scared so many over the years.

"If you harm so much as a single hair on my daughter's head, you will be answering to me boy. I will find out everything about you, every mistake you ever made, every word you ever said, and I will _ruin_ you. You won't just lose Rose, you'll lose everything you ever wanted or worked for, and after that I will take great pleasure in breaking every bone in your body before finally taking your life. Do I make myself clear?"

I expected Belikov to back away, but though he paled considerably, he stood his ground. "Perfectly clear mr. Mazur. You won't have to worry about it though. I will never hurt Rose. If I lose her I'd already have lost everything I've ever wanted from life and I couldn't live with myself if I did anything to cause that."  
I narrowed my eyes a little more, just to make a point, before I nodded. "Excellent."

"Yeah absolutely fucking great old man," said an icy voice behind me. I spun around and was met by two disturbingly familiar dark brown eyes. The same eyes that I had seen in the mirror every single day of my life. "Just so you know, if Dimitri would hurt me, I'm more than capable of dealing with him myself. And if you _ever_ harm so much as a single hair on his head, I will take great pleasure in breaking every bone in _your_ body and afterwards I _won't_ grant you the mercy of killing you. You will have to live with the knowledge that by hurting Dimitri, you hurt me. Are we clear?"  
I couldn't stop myself from taking a step back before I steeled myself. "Crystal little girl."

She was absolutely terrifying and I suddenly understood how it felt to be on the other end of my business deals. Did she inherit that menacing look from me? No wonder I always got exactly what I needed. And Rose didn't even know about my line of work yet, nor that I was perfectly capable of carrying out the threats I'd just made to Belikov. It was a shame I wouldn't be there later when he would undoubtedly tell her the rumours he'd heard about me through the years. I'd pay good money to see her reaction.

Rose had cheered up immediately at my reply. "Great."  
Then she walked past me, stood on her toes and gave an uncomfortable Dimitri a quick peck on the lips. "You coming? Lissa organized a wicked party and I want to get there before Eddie eats all the good food, or sparky _accidently_ sets it on fire."  
He relaxed and put an arm around her shoulders. "Of course."  
They walked away but just before they went around the corner Rose turned back and smiled at me, a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Later old man! You'll remember what we talked about won't you?"

Ah my little girl. She really does take after her baba.

* * *

 ** _Author's note: Since most of the reviews on the last chapter said you wanted to read Janine's and Abe's reply, here you go! I'm not sure I'm evil and disturbed enough to really get into Abe's head, but I did have a hell of a lot of fun writing this. I always think he's such an interesting character. He's clearly dangerous and has different ideas of right and wrong than the rest of the world, but he also cares greatly about Rose and I think family in general._**

 ** _I've been given some ideas that I think I can work with, but if you have any other suggestions, please let me know. Still not sure when the next one is going to be up, but as soon as I finish something you'll all be the first to know._**


	10. Chapter 10

**DPOV**

I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing here. If it was upto me I probably wouldn't even be at Court, but I didn't really feel like I had a choice. Hans had called me a couple of days ago and insisted I come and talk to him about the future, whatever that might entail for an ex-Strigoi who had walked away from Court. I was tempted to refuse, but I realized that I had to start doing something at some point and a conversation couldn't hurt.

So I'd booked a flight and flown in yesterday afternoon. Hans and I had talked for hours and while he couldn't consider me for a guardian position at the moment, he hoped that would change in the coming months or years and wanted to know if I'd even be interested in returning to the ranks. In the end I told him that if a position could be found, I'd return, and Hans promised to keep in touch.

I'd called my family as soon as I got back to my room and even though nothing was happening yet and I'd be flying back to Russia later today, they sounded excited at the mere possibility that something would come of it in the future. Honestly, I don't think any of them had expected me to stay in Baia for as long as I did, but once I got there it had been kind of difficult to leave. Not that I'd even really considered it until a few months ago. Up until that point I'd mostly been trying to survive day by day.

It had taken hours and hours of listening to Mama, Karolina, Oksana and even Mark to even start moving past some of the issues I'd been dealing with. At first I'd simply let them talk and tuned them out. None of them understood what had happened to me, so how could they even think they had the right to tell me how to feel? But as they had told me time and time again, things did get better eventually, and instead of long monologues going in one ear and out the other, I started being part of the conversation. Even babushka started talking to me again. And I started to think. And feel.

So I guess that was what brought me here, more than a year after I'd left. It seemed fitting somehow, that what I was doing now was also the last thing I'd done before I left. Back then I'd stared at Rose's door from the end of the hall, arguing with myself whether to go to her and apologize for the words I'd said to her the day before and to tell her goodbye. I hadn't in the end. I just couldn't face her.

Now I was standing at the end of a street fairly close to the palace. After Tatiana retired over the summer and Vasilisa became Queen, Rose had become head of the Royal Guard. The accompanying paycheck had allowed her to move out of the tiny and depressing guardian dorms and she had found herself a small house instead. It was really quite impressive for a guardian, especially one who hadn't even reached her twenties yet. Not that I'd ever expected anything less, I always knew she'd be one of the best.

As I was watching the house, trying to find the courage to knock on the door and talk to Rose, the door suddenly opened and someone stepped out. I moved a couple of steps backwards, disappearing into the shadows of a large tree. Between that and the twilight, it was unlikely whoever it was would be able to see me but I was close enough to see and even hear them.

Whoever it was turned out to be Adrian Ivashkov. I'd heard Rose had broken up with him. When I sneaked out of Court last year I'd heard two guardians talking about the argument they'd overheard the night before. Apparently sometime since Adrian had been able to convince Rose to give him another shot though. Because here he was, leaving her house in the early hours of the morning and the only logical conclusion was that he'd obviously spent the night here.

He turned around and just as I caught my first glimpse of Rose in fifteen months, he pulled her close and wrapped his arms tightly around her, burying his face in her hair. I felt like someone punched me in the gut and I clenched my fists. Perhaps I would've been better off closing my eyes, but I couldn't look away. Thankfully he didn't kiss her but instead released her and took a step back.

"Thanks for last night little dhampir," he said, without any of his usual bravado.  
"Anytime. And I'm glad you stayed." Her warm voice wrapped around me and for a moment I felt light and happy, before I remembered that her words weren't meant for me.  
"Me too. See you soon?"  
"Definitely."

I got my first good look at Rose as she smiled at him and my heart thudded in my chest. She was even more beautiful than I remembered and her smile had always had the ability to make my heart skip a beat, even when I saw it nearly every day. Seeing her now, even from a distance, the desire to hold her hit me like a hurricane. I stayed where I was though and kept listening to her voice. "Later Adrian."

Adrian gave a halfhearted wave and walked away in the direction of Royal housing. Rose watched him go and then suddenly looked around, her gaze lingering on my hiding place. I probably should've stepped out and greeted her, but instead I melted further into the shadows and watched her shake her head before she stepped back inside the house and closed the door behind her. I didn't think she'd seen me but she'd always had the uncanny ability to sense my presence, just like I felt hers. I should probaby leave anyway. I had no reason to be here anymore.

I released the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. No matter what I'd told myself, obviously I did have a reason for coming here. But I'd been wrong to hope. Because the damn drunk had pulled himself together long before I did, and Rose had moved on.

I cursed at myself all the way back to the visitor dorms. Why oh why had it taken me more than a year, _a whole year plus then some_ , to realize that I couldn't live without Roza?

* * *

When I returned to Baia I didn't tell anyone what I'd seen. I didn't mention Rose at all, and neither did my family, though I knew at least Mama had hoped I'd go and see her. I fell back into the routine I'd had before. Train, fix some things around the house, look after the kids when necessary, help Mama. Basically nothing had changed, except for babushka, who was once again ignoring me. She only spoke to me once, weeks later while I was sitting on the porch, watching as Zoya and Paul built a snowman. "Hiding in the shadows never changed anything."

I knew she wasn't referring to my location at that time.

So here I was, again, three months later. It took me a while to realize that I needed to come here, and then another month to find the courage to return to Court, and to her house. At some point I had finally understood that it didn't matter whether Rose was with Adrian or not. I wasn't here for me, and I had no expectations this time around.

Rose deserved an apology after what I'd done to her and said to her and after disappearing from Court without a word. Now that I was finally starting to deal with my past, I felt like I owed her an explanation. I knew her well enough to know that if we never met again, there'd always be a part of her that would hurt because of what had happened, and she deserved better. She deserved closure. The fact that she'd moved on didn't change her actions in saving my life, nor did it change how I had treated her afterwards.

I arrived a little later than I had done last time, Hans having informed me that it was Rose's day off. I'd even taken a detour on my way here to pick up a couple of donuts at the bakery. I hoped she still liked them and would consider them a peace offering of sorts.

I took a deep breath and walked up the path leading to the front door, knocking as soon as I reached it. I heard her voice before she reached the door, and even as she opened it she was still talking to someone, looking back in the direction she'd come from. Then she turned around and her eyes widened in shock, a half smile still on her face, thought it soon disappeared. I was unable to tear my eyes away from her, drinking in her features after having gone so long without seeing her up close.

After several long moments of simply staring at eachother I finally managed to shake myself out of my stupor and tried to smile at her. "Rose."  
She regarded me carefully, a wary look in her eyes I'd never seen before. "Dimitri."  
Before either of us could say anything else a man showed up behind her.

Not Adrian.

I had to look twice before I finally recognized him as Edison Castile, one of Rose's best friends. I was a little relieved until my mind registered the fact that his clothes looked wrinkled, like they'd already been worn the day before and then spent the night on the floor. He was leaving Rose's house, in the morning, without a bag, in the clothes he'd worn yesterday. I made an effort to ignore the envy I felt. It didn't matter anymore. I wasn't here for another chance and I just wanted Rose to be happy. Eddie would take good care of her.

He seemed to recognize the understanding that must've appeared on my face, because he greeted me with a wicked smile. "Belikov. I had no clue you were back."  
I nodded in answer. "Castile. It's good to see you again." To my relief my voice sounded steady, though I felt anything but.  
"Same to you." He turned to Rose. "I gotta go or I'll be late again. Call you tonight?"  
She finally tore her eyes away from me and looked at him. "Uhm, yeah sure."  
He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Thanks for a great night babe." Then he turned to me and added: "See you around."

I must've answered something, though for the life of me I had no clue what words made their way out of my mouth. Rose rolled her eyes and called after him: "Try and behave yourself today Castile!"  
"I will if you do!"  
"I always do!"  
"Liar!"  
I took a deep breath to calm myself. It was one thing for them to be happy, it was quite another to bicker like an old married couple right in front of me. It was a bit much to handle.

Rose seemed to remember I was here and looked me over. When her eyes reached mine I thought I saw a glimpse of pain but it was quickly hidden by her guardian mask. "Why are you here?"  
"I would like to talk to you, if that's alright with you."  
She raised both her eyebrows. "Really? _Now_ you care whether something is alright with me?"

This meeting really wasn't off to a good start but I couldn't leave without doing, or at least trying to do, what I came here for. "It won't take long Rose. Please?"  
She was quiet for a while. She seemed to be chewing on the inside of her cheek and she looked at me with narrowed eyes. I had no idea what she was thinking, her face gave nothing away, but eventually she came to a decision. She stepped back into the house. "Come on in then. I'd rather not stand in the cold if I don't have to."  
"Thank you."

I followed her through the hallway and into the kitchen. Rose picked up a mug of what looked like tea before leaning against the counter. She didn't offer me anything. I set the box of donuts down and noticed her leaning away from me. I quickly stepped away, giving her plenty of space. "I brought you donuts."  
"Right." She glanced at the box before her eyes turned back to me. "So what do you want?"

Rose was never one to beat around the bush, but this was direct even by her standards. The tension and even hostility radiating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt from her before. There was no use in avoiding the subject though, I did tell her it wouldn't take long. "I'm sorry."  
Her brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed. "You came to tell me you're sorry?" I could hear the disbelief in her voice.  
I nodded. "I know it in no way makes up for what I did to you, what I put you through, but I just..," I ran my hand through my hair. "I really am sorry Rose. For hurting you, for refusing to see you, for saying what I did, for leaving without a word. For everything I ever did to hurt you."

Her mouth fell open in shock and she nearly dropped the mug she was holding. She quickly put it down, got a hold of herself and said: "Right. Well, you've said what you needed to then. Apology accepted. You can go back to Russia and forget any of it ever happened."  
It wasn't exactly difficult to understand that those words were anything but true. "I'd like to explain why I acted the way I did."  
She crossed her arms over her chest. "To be honest Dimitri, I don't really care. It's happened, you apologized, case closed."  
"Rose.."  
She talked over me like I hadn't said a word. "You should get going anyway. I need to leave soon, I've got a meeting."

I knew it was an excuse to get rid of me, and Rose knew I knew. Her eyes, her expression, her posture, everything about her was challenging me to argue, to call her out on it, but I didn't. Rose had every right to refuse to talk to me. I had tried too often to push my opinions and decisions on her, and if she wanted me to leave, that's what I'd do. This was likely the last time I'd see her though, and I couldn't leave without reaching out to her one last time.

I took a few steps until I was right in front of her. She looked up at me, taken aback by my approach. I smiled at her, trying to ignore the sadness I felt and her eyes widened. For the first time since she'd opened the door, her guardian mask slipped and I could see the hurt and heartache she had been hiding so well, the damage I had done. My smile dropped.

I raised my hand and briefly, carefully, put it on her cheek. "Be happy Roza. You deserve it." Then I dropped my hand and walked away.

* * *

After I'd left Rose's house yesterday, I returned to my guestroom and stayed there, not even leaving for dinner. I would've liked to say that at least I got some rest, but the little sleep I'd gotten last night had been filled with nightmares. Rose leaving. Me walking away from her. Me telling her over and over again to leave me alone, that my love for her had faded. After that last one I'd spent the rest of the night awake, questioning myself whether I'd made the right decision in walking away yesterday. I'd fallen asleep again near sunset, but it hadn't been for long.

As soon as I woke up, I got dressed and headed out. I needed some coffee, and I needed to get away from the nightmares that still seemed to be lingering in the room. I crossed the lobby, keeping my eyes focussed on the door, hoping nobody would stop me for a chat.  
"So about that explanation..."

I spun around so quickly my eyes had a hard time catching up. Rose was leaning against the wall, still looking wary but without the anger that had radiated from her yesterday. "Rose. I didn't expect to see you. How did you know where to find me?"  
"Right, who would expect a visitor to stay in guest housing?" She rolled her eyes. "It's not exactly rocket science you know. Besides, I can easily check information on any visitors with my security clearance. Gotta keep Liss safe and all that."  
"And you think I'm a threat?" I raised an eyebrow.  
She shrugged. "Not really," then muttered: "Unless it's to my sanity. Which I suppose indirectly could be a threat to Lissa."

I took a better look at her. She looked as tired as I was and if I had to guess, I'd say she didn't sleep more than I did. When she noticed me observing her she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me. "Forget I said that. So, explain?"  
I looked around the busy lobby and then back at her. "Would you mind going somewhere else? I'd prefer to talk somewhere more private."  
Rose pushed away from the wall and walked right past me. "Fine, I suppose we could go for a walk."

We picked up some coffee-to-go first, or hot chocolate in Rose's case. Then I followed her to a quiet area of Court and we sat down. It was cold outside, but we were both wearing warm jackets and the hot drinks helped as well. At least it was unlikely anybody would come here today and would overhear our conversation.  
A part of me was thrilled that she'd come to see me, but I couldn't deny that I was apprehensive as well. I wondered why she was willing to listen now when she had refused to hear another word yesterday.

I decided to just ask her. "Why did you change your mind?"  
She blew out her cheeks and then sighed. "Not sure really. I was just so.. pissed off when you showed up out of the blue yesterday. You disappeared, never contacted anyone, you could've been dead for all I knew. Then suddenly you're on my doorstep, bringing me donuts and telling me you're sorry. I didn't want to deal with it, with you."  
I looked at her in shock. "Did you think I was dead?"  
She shrugged. "I don't know. I couldn't exactly rule it out."

I'd never even considered that she might've come to that conclusion after I vanished. To be fair, I didn't really consider anything when I left. "I'm sorry Rose."  
"So you keep telling me. But why Dimitri? Why leave? You didn't leave a note, you didn't call, you just up and left."  
I took a moment to collect my thoughts but Rose tapped her foot impatiently. "You told me you'd explain."

A knot had appeared in my stomach. This was it. I'd only get one chance at this conversation and I prayed to God I'd get it right.

"When I left I thought it was best for everyone involved. You and Vasilisa both had promising futures and you didn't need me there to complicate matters, I'd already done more than enough damage to your career. And nobody else wanted me here anyway, the royals and the guardians had no idea what to do with me and prefered not to see me at all. So I figured if I left, you could both move on and everyone could forget I even existed."

She took her time to take in my words. "That's it? Cause honestly, it sounds like a load of crap. You knew I.. we wouldn't just forget."  
"No it's not. I.." I took a deep breath. "I couldn't be around you Rose. I knew it was wrong to treat you the way I did, but I was scared. Of who I was, of hurting you more, of returning to..." I shook my head. "I couldn't deal with it so I ran away. And I did really think it would be better for you if I wasn't here. But I shouldn't have gone about it the way I did. I should've talked to you."  
"You did talk to me, in church. I could've done without that conversation actually." Her words stung but her voice lacked the heat it'd held earlier. She just sounded wistful, and tired. My heart broke. Sadness was not an emotion I used to associate with Rose.

"Me too." She looked up at me in surprise. "I only said what I did because I knew you meant it, you weren't going to give up on me. I could see how much I hurt you and I wish I hadn't done it. What I said had nothing to do with my feelings for you."  
I didn't clarify that I had loved her then and for that matter, still loved her to this day. I wouldn't lie if she asked, but I didn't want her to think that that was my reason for apologizing. I wanted to give her closure, not more complications.  
In a whisper I added: "I really am sorry Roza."

Rose looked off into the distance for a while before turning back to me. "It's okay. Really. I'm not saying you didn't hurt me, but I guess I get it. You told me to leave you alone tons of times and I didn't listen. So I'm sorry too."  
One side of her mouth lifted into a half smile and I felt myself smiling back. "It wasn't your fault."  
"The part where I pressured you kind of was. It doesn't matter anymore though, it's all in the past."

She sounded sincere and when I looked into her eyes I could tell she meant it. I studied her. "You changed."  
"Way to give a girl a compliment," she deadpanned.  
"I didn't mean it in a bad way. But you did. You're more.. thoughtful."  
She chuckled. "You're not really making it any better Dimitri. I suppose thoughtful isn't a bad trait for the Queen's guardian though. I guess, against all odds, I finally grew up." As an afterthought she added: "Please don't tell Stan."

I couldn't help but laugh, and so did she. The last bit of remaining tension disappeared and for a while we just talked about normal things. How Lissa was doing as Queen, the last prank Christian had tried to pull on Rose which had, literally, backfired, my mother's cooking, the trouble Paul got into at school. It felt good. No matter how much I loved Rose, I also missed her as my friend. Talking to her reminded me of easier times, mornings in the gym, runs on the track, the occasional walk around school grounds.

Neither of us brought up any romantic relationships, not that I'd have anything to tell. Eventually I couldn't contain my curiousity and I asked: "Rose? Can I ask you something?"  
"Sure."  
"Are you happy? With Eddie?"  
She looked at me, confusion clear on her face. "Eddie? What do you mean?"  
I hesitated but figured I might as well get it over with now that the question was out there anyway. "Well, I assumed you were together... You know, after seeing him at your place yesterday?"

Her eyes widened in understanding, surprise and something else. And then she started laughing. Really laughing. I had a feeling she was laughing at me, but I couldn't help but enjoy her amusement. There was just something amazing about Rose's laugh, the way her whole face lit up, the sparkle in her eyes. It took a couple of minutes but eventually she regained some control, though she didn't stop chuckling. "You thought I was with Eddie? Like.. Eddie, Eddie? Eddie Castile?"  
"What else was I supposed to think? He thanked you for a great night and called you babe."

She met my eye and some of her amusement melted away. For a moment she looked confused again, then her eyes softened considerably. "We played some videogames, then watched the worst horror movie ever. It was so incredibly boring that he fell asleep on the sofa." Then she chuckled again. "And I'm pretty sure he said babe just to annoy you. He's not your biggest fan."  
I looked down. "That's understandable."  
Her only answer was a quiet: "Hmm." I wasn't quite sure if she was agreeing or disagreeing with me.

"What about you? Met anyone to keep you warm during the cold Siberian winter?" I looked up but she was looking straight ahead, her face blank and her voice detached.  
"No."  
"Why not?" She sounded less indifferent and more curious now.  
I considered my answer for a moment before deciding on full honesty. "Because I already found who I was looking for a long time ago Roza. I didn't leave to find someone new, I left because I needed to learn how to deal with what I did, to forgive myself."

I probably should've reminded myself that I wasn't here to win Rose back. It wasn't fair to expect her to allow me back in her life, or to question her about anything romantic. But the longer this conversation lasted, the more my barriers seemed to go down, and by now they seemed to have disappeared completely. I felt more alive and more like myself than at any other time since my restoration. And I wanted to know as much as possible about Roza's life, so I didnt stop myself but asked: "What about Adrian?"

She turned back to me, her eyebrows raised. "What about Adrian? We broke up around the time you left."  
I looked at my feet. "I saw him leaving your house a couple of months ago, early in the morning."  
"That's not possi..." she went quiet and then exclaimed: "Wait, you were there?!"  
I nodded silently. Then she asked: "You were under that tree weren't you?"  
"Yes."

For a moment all was quiet and then she slapped me, hard. I didn't see it coming because I'd still been looking down, but I immediately snapped my head up and was just in time to stop her hand from reaching my face a second time. "Rose!"  
"What the hell Dimitri! You were there? You were at Court months ago? You were at my _house_ months ago? Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you come out of the damn shadow and I don't know, talk to me?!" She was yelling at me and I didn't think I'd ever seen her this angry before.

I jumped up and took a couple of steps away from her, not losing sight of her for a moment to make sure she wouldn't attack me again. "I was only here for a day, Hans wanted to talk to me. I was coming to see you but then I saw Adrian and..."  
"And you left. Without saying anything. Again!" Rose had gotten up as well and advanced on me.  
I hadn't really considered she'd see it that way, but of course she was right. I held up my hands. "Yes."  
"Why?!"

I took another step back, trying to keep some distance between us. "Because seeing Adrian there hurt. Because I was there for all the wrong reasons."  
"So you're here for all the right reasons this time?" she asked scathingly.  
"I.. yes, I think so. I just wanted to talk to you, to give you closure. I want you to be happy."  
She snorted. "Right. What about the wrong reasons then? You didn't want me to be happy then?"  
I finally lost my already tenuous grip on my emotions and my own temper flared. "Damnit Rose, I just wanted you to be happy with me!"

My outburst didn't calm her down in the slightest. "And Adrian being there stopped you? I knew you gave up easily but that's pathetic even by your standards!"  
I froze. "It had nothing to do with giving up."  
"It had everything, _everything,_ to do with giving up. You always do! Because I was your student, or because I was acting immature, or because it would damage your career, or because you couldn't be around me, or apparently because Adrian was there. You _always_ give up on me!"

While Rose was yelling at me and I had frozen, she had finally managed to reach me and accompanied her final words with several punches to my chest, tears running down her cheeks. While I was still shocked, I managed to regain my ability to move and caught her fists in my hands, holding them tightly so she couldn't do any more damage. She glared at me but for once, I didn't look away or move a muscle.

Until I lost control of myself and abruptly pulled her against me and crushed her lips to mine.

She didn't respond at first, but soon her lips pressed back against mine. I released her hands and buried mine in her hair, holding her in place. In return I felt one of her hands on my chest and the other arm wrapped around my waist, pulling my body closer to hers. She ran her tongue over my bottom lip and I responded eagerly, deepening the kiss.

Eventually the heat left us and we both calmed down. The kiss turned soft and gentle and then I pulled away, gasping for breath. I wasn't ready to release her though and wrapped my arms around her, holding her against my chest. She melted against me willingly. I buried my face in her hair, taking deep slow breaths to slow my racing heartbeat. "I'm sorry," I whispered in her ear.  
"For kissing me? I swear to God comrade, if you say yes, I'll kill you."

I didn't answer immediately, I was too stunned by her use of my old nickname. I kept my arms around her but pulled back far enough to look at her in wonder. She looked back at me and eventually seemed to get worried by my lack of response. "Dimitri? You're not sorry about that are you?"  
I shook my head and then smiled. "You called me comrade."  
"Erm yes, like I've done a thousand times before." She looked at me like I'd gone crazy. Maybe I had.  
"I missed it." I gave her another quick kiss and added in a whisper: "I missed you."

It felt like a long time before she answered: "I missed you too."

* * *

We went back to Rose's house soon after, spending hours talking about what had been happening in our lives during the past year and a half. Rose got angry at me a couple more times when we talked about the way I left, but we kissed and made up every time. Life could definitely be worse. It _had_ been a lot worse, for both of us.

It was nearly sunrise when I remembered the question which had started our fight this morning. "Roza?"  
"Hmm?" She was sitting beside me, tugged under my arm, her head resting against my shoulder.  
"You never told me what Adrian was doing here that day."  
She sat up, pushing away from me and turning around to face me fully. "You really want to know?"  
I ran my fingers through the hair that was falling down her shoulder. "Only if you want to tell me. It's fine if you don't."

She looked into my eyes and then a slow smile crept unto her face. "Sure, it's not all that interesting though. He has feelings for this friend of mine, and she turned him down the night before. I ran into him when he was staggering out of a bar, completely wasted, and since my house was a lot closer than his apartment I brought him here. I got him some water and I listened to him spill his guts. Then I offered him the spare room to sleep it off."

She was right, that didn't sound particularly interesting, or even that out of character for Adrian. "Did he manage to work things out with her?"  
"Nah, but he's still trying. Probably a bad idea, she's even more unacceptable than I was. His father will probably disown him if he ever gets her to date him."  
I raised one of my brows. "Another dhampir?"  
Rose chuckled and it soon evolved into a full laugh. "Nope. An Alchemist."

I was sure my mouth was hanging open. Poor guy.

* * *

 ** _Author's note: So this is by far the longest oneshot I've written. I was about 80% done when I considered that I probably could've made it into a short multi-chapter story instead and added some more depth and details, but decided to leave it the way it was._**

 ** _This story was somewhat inspired by a Hunger Games fic I read (Trying to get it right by sponsormusings) as well as by a guest who wanted to read something with a jealous Dimitri. After reading the fic I wondered what would've happened if Rose or Dimitri ran off and came back a long time later to apologize and explain, no strings attached, simply because they realized they'd hurt the other. And well.. I really prefer DPOV, so that's why Dimitri ended up facing some painful truths._**

 ** _Hope you guys enjoyed!_**


	11. Chapter 11

_This is set about four years after graduation. Spokane happened, but Dimitri and Rose never really talked about that, or anything else non-training related afterwards. The cabin obviously didn't happen and Dimitri was never taken. Rose was assigned to a different Moroi after graduation._

 **DPOV**

"Since Vasilisa is the most likely successor to the throne we have decided it is both in her best interests, as well as the best interest of our people, if she moves to the palace permanently. This will allow her to be even more involved and she will be able to learn about the obligations of a monarch first hand. As a result, from this time forward, her protection will be handled by the Royal Guard."

I looked at my, apparently former, charge as she was sitting silently next to Queen Tatiana. She met my gaze and smiled somewhat sadly but seemed resigned to both her move to the palace and my reassignment. I was fairly sure the Queen was using the royal we and Lissa had had little say in the current arrangements. Realistically though, I think both of us knew this day would come eventually. The Queen had taken her under her wing immediately after graduation four years ago, and since Lissa had recenty earned her bachelor's degree, there was no longer any reason to hold back in preparing her for the throne.

The Queen apparently expected no reaction as she continued adressing me calmly. "We would like to thank you for your dedication to the protection of the Princess over the past years. We owe you a great debt of gratitude for keeping her safe in occasionally challenging circumstances." That was a bit of an understatement in my opinion, but I kept that to myself. "Your commitment and devotion to your charge have not gone unnoticed and I have instructed Guardian Croft to find you a comfortable position with a high-ranking Royal as a reward."

Queen Tatiana paused for a moment, giving me time to express the appropriate amount of gratitude. "Thank you, your Majesty, for your kind words and efforts on my behalf. I assure you they're not necessary. It has been an honor to be Princess Dragomir's guardian."

My answer was everything anyone would have expected it to be, but I knew my heart wasn't really in it. For a moment I imagined what would have happened if Rose had been in my position and Queen Tatiana had decided to sack her. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up and I made an effort to keep my guardian mask in place. I'm sure Rose's answer would have been anything but appropriate, though probably not completely unexpected.

Rose never had a face to face meeting with the Queen though. Soon after we arrived at Court after graduation, she had been called into Hans' office and been told she had received a private assignment, away from Court. She had been angry and upset, but we both knew it was to be expected. The Queen had been unimpressed with what had happened in Spokane and felt Rose was responsible. That, added to the record she already had, was cited as the main reason she could never be Lissa's guardian. Within a week Rose had been on a flight out and I hadn't seen or spoken to her since.

To be entirely honest, we hadn't talked much in the months before graduation either. After Mason's funeral we had resumed our normal routine and Rose threw herself into training to become the best guardian she could. I knew she blamed herself for Mason's death, but everytime I tried to get her to confide in me she pushed me away. Eventually I stopped trying and waited for her to come to me, but she never came.

I'd never told her what I had told Tasha, though I was sure it was obvious I had declined her offer. For a while I argued with myself whether I should tell Rose I had said no because of her, because I was in love with her, but it felt wrong to push that on her while she was mourning Mason and had already put so much distance between us. I didn't realize until sometime later that by allowing her to pull away, I gave her the impression that I was fine with her just being my student rather than something more.

Her last words to me on that rooftop were that she wanted me to be happy, no matter how she felt. But I'd never told her I still felt the same way and she probably assumed I had decided to move on, even if it wasn't with Tasha. I wasn't sure if she'd still felt that way by the time she left, but if she did, those last couple of months at the Academy must have been even harder on her than I already thought they were and I wondered if she resented me for it. I should have told her how I felt, even if nothing could come of it.

I was recalled to my surroundings when Lissa shifted in her chair. Maybe it was a coincidence or maybe she had noticed my distraction. We had gotten to know eachother pretty well, and it wasn't exactly the first time it had happened. About a year ago she had plucked up the courage to ask why I sometimes stared off into space, looking somber. After making her promise never to tell anyone, I answered her honestly and told her a part of my history with, and my feelings for, Rose. She had been very understanding, especially considering the fact that Rose was her best friend.

Thankfully the Queen seemed oblivious to my absentmindedness and inclined her head towards me before she continued. "I am glad to hear it Guardian Belikov, but nonetheless, you have our gratitude and Guardian Croft will follow my instructions." She then got up, Lissa and I following immediately, nodded and strode out of the room, followed by half of the guardians that had been stationed around the room.

Lissa took a deep breath and then walked in the opposite direction, beckoning me to walk with her. Once we left the meeting room and were standing in the hallway she turned to me. "I'm sorry Dimitri. I tried to get the Queen to promote you the Royal Guard so you could still be my guardian, but she said there are currently no positions available. I put you on the shortlist though so if anything opens up, you'll definitely be considered for it."

I smiled at her. We really had gotten closer in the past few years, she was almost like another younger sister to me. "It's okay Lissa, really. They're the best of the best, they'll keep you safe. And this is a great opportunity, I'm happy for you."  
She shrugged. "I know, but I will miss having you around."  
"We'll keep in touch. If my new assignment is a high ranking Royal, it'll most likely be someone who either lives here at Court or visits regularly."

Lissa bit her lip and something flashed in her eyes, but it was gone before I could recognize it. Then she nodded and gave me a hug, which I couldn't help but return. "I think Hans is waiting for you. Take care Dimitri."  
"You too Princess, stay safe."  
This earned me a laugh and a smack on the arm. "You know I hate it when you call me that."  
I chuckled. "Yes I know, but I think you're going to have to get used to it."  
"Better watch it, or I'll take you of the shortlist. Anyway, you should get going or you'll be late, and I'm sure the Queen is waiting for me."

I nodded and smiled at her and then turned away, walking towards the public area of the palace where the main exit was located. Just before I turned around the corner into another hallway, Lissa called after me: "Good luck Dimitri! I think you'll like your new position!"  
I turned back just in time to see a flash of blonde hair disappearing into the room I had just come from and shook my head. Apparently Lissa already knew where I was going. Ah well, I'd know soon enough.

* * *

Hans had been unable, or unwilling, to tell me who my new charge was. Apparently the Queen had set it up and he could only give me basic information. I was to be the secondary guardian to a Royal Lord who lived away from Court, somewhere in Maine. The Moroi and his primary guardian would give me more information once I got there. All Hans could tell me was that they apparently kept to themselves mostly, had little interaction with our world and I would find my new position to be much less demanding than my previous one. I wasn't sure if I was actually happy about that. Low-risk positions tended to lull you into a false sense of security which would then end up getting you killed.

Now I was standing in front of a big house, which had been pretty difficult to find. It was quite far from the nearest town and completely hidden by the trees. I wouldn't have noticed the driveway if I hadn't specifically been looking for it. I had to knock three times before I heard someone moving towards the door. I heaved a sigh of relief. I had already been considering all kinds of reasons why nobody was responding, ranging from my charge not knowing I was coming and thus being out, to him being dead before I even had the chance to meet him. I made an effort to push the images of the Badica massacre out of my mind, as well as the woman who had accompanied me then.

The door swung open, revealing a human woman with blonde hair. "Can I help you?"  
I hesitated for a moment before replying: "I think I must have gotten the wrong adress. I'm sorry to have bothered you."  
She turned her head a little as she took a good look at me and the light suddenly reflected on the golden tattoo on her cheek. An alchemist. Apparently I came to the right place after all, and her answer confirmed it. "Please come in. You're early, we weren't expecting you until tomorrow."

She told me to put my bag in the hallway and then invited me to follow her. She didn't introduce herself but that wasn't too far out of the ordinary for an alchemist. We made our way through the house, which was even bigger than it had looked from the outside, and finally we walked into a big, open plan, living room. I blinked in surprise at the man lying on the sofa, feet hanging over the arm rest and head propped up on a pillow while watching an old episode of Friends. He looked up at our entrance and a mischievous grin appeared on his face. "Well who do we have here.."  
Before I could reply, he called out: "Oi, mighty protector! Where are you?"

Within seconds I heard footsteps, immediately followed by a voice. A very, _very_ familiar voice. "I _told_ you not to call me that. Can't we just go back to the old nickname? And I was in the kitchen. We're out of chocolate by the way, did you eat that last snickers?"  
Adrian sat up and crossed his arms. "No I didn't. Why do you always blame me? Maybe Sydney had it for breakfast?"

The alchemist next to me snorted at the same time as a beautiful, dark-haired woman walked in from around the corner, where I guessed there was another entrance to the room. "Yeah right pretty boy, you know she prefers twix. I learned that the hard way."  
I recognized the look she aimed at Adrian from years before and I knew how deadly it could be, but he just smiled at her. "I didn't call you here to discuss the merits of one candybar versus the other little dhampir."

While he was talking Roza looked around the room in a practiced move any guardian would recognize. I knew the exact moment she noticed me. Her body froze, she narrowed her eyes and muttered under her breath: "What the hell.."  
I tried to smile at her but seeing her for the first time in years seemed to have removed any ability to think or move or speak. She was, still, the most amazing woman I knew, and I knew in that moment that I was still very much in love with her.

Roza hadn't said anything else and was still staring at me. I still knew her well enough to recognize the emotions playing on her face and in her eyes, the shock, confusion and then the anger she felt at me being here. Apparently I had been right to assume she was upset with how I'd acted in those final months at the academy.

Adrian used our stand-off of sorts to get up of the sofa and casually walk over until he was standing between us.  
"Belikov, welcome to our humble abode. Little dhampir, I want to introduce you to my new guardian and your new partner, the great guardian Belikov."  
Roza's eyes widened for a moment before she uttered just three words, "Oh hell no!", turned around and rushed out of the room.

I was still staring after her when I heard the alchemist ask Adrian: " _This_ is Dimitri Belikov?"  
I turned around just in time to see Adrian nod and the Alchemist glare at him. "I really hope you know what you're doing Adrian."  
He shrugged. "It'll be fine Sydney. Would I ever do anything to hurt Rose?"  
Sydney rolled her eyes and mumbled: "Not intentionally," before glaring at me and walking away as well.

I had been out of my depth from the moment I arrived here. First I was confused by the presence of an alchemist, then surprised by finding out Adrian Ivashkov was to be my new charge and finally completely shocked by unexpectedly seeing Rose again and her obvious hostility towards me. Nothing bewildered me as much as Adrian's next words though, accompanied by a clap on my shoulder.  
"Well that went better than expected. Lissa said it'd be fine but I kind of expected Rose to rip your throat out. Shame really, there's absolutely nothing on tv so a fight would've been entertaining."

My thoughts were a mess and by the time I could make enough sense of them to ask Adrian a question, he was just settling in for an episode of some different tv-show. "Lissa knew about this?"  
Adrian looked at me like I was an idiot. "Of course she did cradle robber, it was her idea wasn't it? Give you two the chance to sort things out. Or get you killed. Whichever comes first."

My mind went blank for a moment before I recovered from this final shock. It would appear my innocent charge, who had seemed quite disappointed at my reassignment, was not so innocent after all.

* * *

 ** _Author's note: Sorry, sorry, sorry for disappearing for so long. I'm still dealing with a pretty bad case of writer's block, but this popped into my head a couple of days ago so I wrote it down as soon as I had the time. It's a bit short and maybe not completely upto scratch, but I thought it was entertaining enough and hopefully this will get me back into things. I hope you enjoyed it!_**

 ** _On a side-note, did you all read the books in DPOV by gigi256? She finished Last Sacrifice recently and I totally loved it._**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Post LS**_

 **LPOV**

Rose was weaving in and out of busy traffic, trying to get us from Lehigh to Court as fast as possible, hoping to be in time for the Council meeting. We had originally planned to return yesterday but I had been so busy preparing for said meeting, as well as my upcoming wedding, that I had completely forgotten about an important paper which was due today. I'd worked all through last night and today, handed it in at the end of the afternoon and now we were braving rush hour traffic to be back in time for a new day, just filled with politics instead of papers.

Nobody said it was easy being Queen.

I was exhausted, and I was bound to be stuck in the Council room until sunrise at least, listening to Prince Ivashkov and others ranting about the addition of offensive magic classes to the Moroi curriculum for the upcoming schoolyear. Heaven forbid we should actually be able to take care of ourselves after all, when we had dhampirs who were trained to do just that. Nathan didn't care in the least that their numbers were dropping every day, and that the amount of dhampirs set to receive their promise mark were at a twenty-year low.

Maybe thinking about the upcoming meeting wasn't the best way to relax. The drive back to Court could well be my only time to catch up on some rest until I got back to my rooms in the palace tonight. At least Christian could go there as soon as we arrived back at Court and get some sleep. Maybe he'd even have dinner waiting for me tonight. I was more thirsty than hungry really, but his lasagne was to die for. And there'd be feeders on hand at the meeting, so at least I could feed during a break, rather than having to do that later.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Rose suddenly threw the car to the left to switch lanes, swearing loudly at the Honda in front of us who'd suddenly hit the brakes. Christian groaned next to me. "What the hell Rosie! Where did you get your license?"  
I looked at him in disapproval but Rose merely shrugged. "Mario Kart."  
I bit back a laugh and I could see Dimitri doing the same in the passenger seat, but Christian was unimpressed. "Yeah right. If you drive like this in Mario Kart I bet you've never crossed a single finish line."  
"Watch your mouth sparky! You want to get back to Court in one piece don't you?" Rose asked threatheningly.

Chris was quiet for a second but then he snorted. "You're not about to start throwing banana peels out of the window are you?"  
"Nah, but if you keep up the commentary I'd be happy to throw you out instead."  
"Yeah right, like you could."  
Rose half turned in her seat and Dimitri coughed loudly to remind her of what she was doing. She turned her attention back to the road, mostly, but as soon as she could she glared at Christian in the rearview mirror. "Of course I can! It'd take me so little effort I could do it while driving."  
"True, if you make a few more turns like the last one I'm sure we'll all be thrown out of the car soon enough. As I said, there's no way you ever, _ever_ made it to the finish, in any game."

I could see her eyes narrow. "Is that a challenge sparky? Cause I'd love to kick your ass on a couple of tracks."  
"I doubt it'd be much of a challenge Rosie, you totally suck at video games," Christian answered with a huge smug grin on his face.  
"You, me, Mario Kart, tomorrow!"  
"Sure thing!"

For a moment I considered warning Christian somehow that Rose was actually really good at this particular game, but I decided not to. He started the bickering this time, and he knew how Rose would respond to a challenge. He could deal with the consequences. They'd probably be evenly matched anyway. Rose might be great at Mario Kart, but given the chance, Chris played video games all day long. I didn't really see the point, or understand the objectives most of the time, but he'd probably say the same about my shopping trips. To each their own.

Things quieted down after that. Chris was staring out of the window, probably wondering where he'd last seen his copy of Mario Kart and making plans to practice all day today while Rose was stuck in the Council room with me. Rose was once again paying attention to the road, though traffic had thankfully thinned out quite a bit. Dimitri was watching the road as closely as she was, looking for anything out of the ordinary that might possibly turn out to be a risk to our safety. The usual really.

My eyes were still on Dimitri when he moved and took Rose's hand, which had been resting on the center console, in his. I could see her turn her head a little to give him a warm smile before she turned back to the road again. The corner of Dimitri's mouth rose in answer. I probably should've looked away, giving them this small moment of privacy when I knew they'd had so little time to themselves lately between exams, papers and council meetings. I couldn't help being a little fascinated though as I looked at the tall guardian.

Even after all this time, I still occasionally had some trouble understanding how Rose ended up falling in love with the serious, usually stone-faced guardian who she used to refer to as her Russian jailer. Or the other way around for that matter. When Dimitri dragged us back to St. Vladimir's I never in a million years would've expected him to stand up for Rose, be her mentor and develop feelings for her in the process. It was funny how things happened sometimes.

If anyone would've asked fifteen-year-old, or seventeen-year-old, me what type of guy Rose would end up dating, I probably would've said someone like Jesse or Adrian. Goodlooking, not too demanding, just looking for a good time. The party girl Rose used to be would've probably been up for that, but after we ran away from the Academy she changed a lot.

I didn't really notice it at first, though I guess I should've expected it, considering how much strain she was under to keep me safe and both of us from getting caught. When we first returned I expected both of us to just fit in again and continue where we left off, but it soon became clear that life didn't really work that way. Still, it wasn't until Rose started prefering thermal shirts to dresses, and training with Dimitri to parties that I finally understood she wasn't the same girl I'd left the Academy with. Or at least, she was still Rose, my funny, loyal, caring best friend, but she was also more serious, more dedicated and more protective. She had grown up a lot faster than I had.

Even taking all of that into account though, I never would've guessed she'd fall for Dimitri.

Studying him now, I guessed I could see the attraction. If you didn't consider the fact that he'd been our teacher when we met, which basically meant I wrote him off immediately, he really was... well... _hot_. There was no other word for it really. Not quite my type of course, but his face was kind of beautiful and his shoulder length hair gave him a bit of an edge. And nothing against Christian, I loved him to pieces, but his body had nothing on Dimitri's tall, well-muscled frame. And one could only imagine how his strength and stamina translated to erm.. other activities.

I felt a blush creeping onto my face and for a moment I considered myself lucky that the bond was gone. If Rose had heard what I was just thinking... I'd seen the death glare she directed at anyone who drooled over Dimitri. There was just one word for it. Terrifying. Everyone was lucky looks couldn't kill and Rose couldn't read minds, or the female Moroi and dhampir populations between 15 and 50 would've been decimated by now.

Anyway, no matter how hot he was, I just didn't see Dimitri that way. At first he was just my guardian, a respectable, reliable adult who'd keep me safe, but later on I started considering him a friend. Things shifted after he was restored and eventually we developed a sort of brother-sister relationship. Especially after he'd loosened up a little when he and Rose finally got back together and he became Christian's guardian. And while I liked him a lot, he just really wasn't the type of guy I'd go for. He was just too serious and closed-off. Christian was a much better match for me, in every way.

Finally pulling myself out of my train of thought, I came back to the present and realized I was still looking right at Dimitri and Rose. Neither of them seemed to have noticed and I witnessed one of their stolen moments when Dimitri reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind Rose's ear.  
She chuckled in answer. "You really shouldn't distract me like that when I'm driving comrade, especially not when I'm driving 90."  
Dimitri's raised an eyebrow at her. "Speeding again Roza?"  
She shrugged. "You wanted us to get there in time didn't you? And we're perfectly fine."  
He smiled. "I know, I trust you."  
I could just make out the tiny satisfied smile creeping onto Rose's face in the rearview mirror.

Honestly, I might not quite understand how they fell for eachother, but seeing them together like this, it was more than obvious that they loved eachother deeply and that was really all I wanted for my best friend.

We were nearly at Court when I suddenly remembered something and exclaimed: "Oh Rose! You can't play Mario Kart tomorrow, we've got some appointments. You promised to help me pick out the wedding decorations remember?"  
Christian groaned next to me. Despite all my efforts he still wasn't showing the appropriate enthusiasm when it came to napkin colors or flower arrangements. His groan nearly, but not quite, drowned out the similar but softer one from Rose and my nerves about the wedding finally got the better of me. "You promised Rose! Who else is going to help me?!"

Christian took my hand in his and Rose immediately started reassuring me from the driver's seat that everything would be perfectly fine. When I had calmed down she said calmly: "Of course I'll go with you if you want me to Liss, you know that. I was just thinking though, maybe you should take Dimitri instead? You know I really don't know anything about flowers and stuff like that, and having grown up in a house full of women I'm sure he's way more qualified to help you. You and Chris could switch guardians for the day."

If I hadn't known any better I could've sworn I saw Dimitri's jaw drop from the corner of my eye. Such a display of emotion would've been way out of character for him though and when I looked at him, he was completely in control of himself. I considered Rose's words and realized she was probably right. When it came to small details, Rose really wasn't much better than Christian. There was no way she would see the difference between carnation pink and cherry blossom. And I seriously doubted she knew the difference between a ranunculus and a peony.

I looked from Dimitri to Rose and back again and said: "You may have a point. Would you mind though Dimitri? I don't want to impose. Especially as a florist-appointment seems to be some people's worst nightmare." I looked pointedly at Rose and Christian.  
He chuckled and turned to give me a reassuring smile. "I don't mind Lissa, anything I can do to help you."  
Before he could say another word Rose clapped in her hands before returning them to the wheel. "That's all settled then."

We were just pulling into Court when she spoke up again: "Uhm, Liss? The bakery appointment wasn't tomorrow was it? You totally need my expertise for that one, I'm not sure Dimitri would get it right. I'm pretty sure they only have one type of cake in Siberia."  
Christian and I both laughed and even Dimitri chuckled, before I reassured her: "That one is the day after tomorrow. Trust me, I know you wouldn't miss it for anything."

I didn't think I was supposed to catch her eyeing Dimitri and murmuring: "Well maybe not _anything."_

* * *

Late the next afternoon Dimitri and I entered the room while Rose was doing a little victory dance sort-of thing. "I wo-hon, I wo-hon, I woooon!"  
"You knocked me off a cliff!" Chris said angrily.  
"You drove yourself off a cliff! It's not _my_ fault you suck."  
"It only happened because _you_ threw one of those red shells at me!"  
"Suits you right after you put that fake item box right in front of me."  
"I wouldn't have if you hadn't dropped those damn banana peels."  
"You needed slowing down after you cheated your way back to the front by turning yourself into a bullet!"  
"Oh _please_ , the only reason you were at the front was because you zapped everyone else and made me fall into that gap."  
"Doesn't matter how I got there, just that I was there at the finish line. And stop complaining about the damn gap, you made me drive into it when you got ink all over my side of the screen."  
"The only reason you finished first is because you got that stupid star thing and the bomb I threw didn't blow you up."  
"That's not the reason you asshole. The reason is that I'm awesome and you suck."

I looked pleadingly at Dimitri, silently willing him to interfere before they ended up killing eachother, but before either of us could move Christian sat back down and said: "Again?"  
Rose dropped to the floor and answered: "Again!"

I motioned Dimitri towards the kitchen where I made us both a cup of coffee and we settled in, once again examining the samples the weddingplanner had given me and quietly discussing the flower arrangement the florist had proposed. To my surprise Dimitri really had been very useful, pointing out some details that I didn't think of and keeping me from turning the venue into a barbie-themed wedding by insisting that Christian wouldn't appreciate paradise pink tablecloths.

I was just about to get us a second cup of coffee when we heard a crash from the living room. We both got up and ran in that direction, Dimitri obviously getting there first, only to see Christian standing there, his controller broken on the floor and a ball of fire in his hand. Rose was still watching the screen intently, singing quietly: "You are the one thing in my way, you are the one thing in my way, you are the one thing in my wahaaay."

A small giggle escaped me and I could see Dimitri fighting back laughter as well. He pulled himself together quickly. "Roza, please stop singing."  
She pouted petulantly but her eyes never left the screen. "Why?"  
I replied: "Because it's obviously driving Chris crazy, and well.. You really can't sing."  
She rolled her eyes but went quiet, allowing us to deal with Christian instead, which was a good thing as I could see a small flame dancing at the bottom of Rose's ponytail.

"Christian, could you please put out the fire?"  
He glared back at Dimitri. "Why would I do that?"  
"Because otherwise you'll have to find a different guardian. Rose will kill you if you set her hair on fire and I value my life too much to get in her way."  
After several tense seconds Christian finally dropped his hands and the flames disappeared. Dimitri nodded at him. "Thank you." Then he quickly gathered Rose's things and hurried them both out the door, saying it was obviously time to get some dinner.

When I slipped into bed four hours later, Christian was already there, smiling like the cheshire cat while reading something on his phone. I cuddled up to him, pressing my cold feet against his legs and trying to see whatever made him this happy. I could make out enough of the conversation to know what it was about.

 _C: You lucked out! Revanche  
_ _R: Oh plz! No luck involved, pure skill. But fine, if you want your ass kicked, I'm in  
_ _C: You obviously don't know what skill means, show you tomorrow. C U at 10  
_ _R: Prepare to lose. A lot_  
 _C: You do that. Nn. Sucker  
_ _R: Sweet dreams. Loser_

I sighed and rolled over, grabbing my phone from the nightstand. I would have to reschedule my appointment at the bakery, or at least figure out if they'd allow me to take samples home. Rose really would kill Christian if he made her miss out on cake, and there'd be no wedding without a groom.

* * *

 _ **Author's note: Right, so about last chapter.. I totally didn't intend to leave you all hanging, but after about ten attempts, I can honestly say that there's just no way I'll be able to wrap it up satisfactorily within a single**_ _ **chapter. I do really like the storyline though, so I've put it on my shortlist to turn it into a (short) story, if I ever find enough inspiration to write something that's more than one or two chapters. For now, I'll leave it up as a one-shot, but hopefully that will change in the future, in which case I'll repost it as a separate story.**_

 ** _Anyway, I hope you guys liked this one and it makes up a little for my sketchy posting schedule at the moment. The song Rose is singing at the end is My Way by Calvin Harris._**

 ** _I plan on rereading all of the books soon, so hopefully that'll give me enough inspiration to write something new as well as finish the ton of half-written oneshots I've currently got in my documents._**

 ** _Enjoy your weekend!_**


	13. Chapter 13

_**Post VA - the rest of the books never happened.**_

 **DPOV**

"Dimitri, stop. Just please.. stop." Rose pushed me away and sat up.

We'd set up a schedule where we worked out together three times a week, either during the day when Lissa was working in her home office or late at night when she was already asleep. Regular training sessions together made sure we stayed in-tune and kept working as a team. In a world of mostly alternating shifts these were also often the only times I'd get to spend with Rose alone. We used the private gym Lissa had set up for our use in the basement of her townhouse, making sure we'd always be close by if she needed protection.

When I'd gotten to the house tonight Rose had been very quiet and while she was helping Christian with the dishes, Lissa had told me she'd been like that all day. I'd decided to ask her about it as soon as Lissa and Christian went to bed, but she just shrugged and suggested we'd get started on our workout. For the past hour and a half I'd been trying to figure out what was wrong. When she wouldn't tell me I'd suggested we'd spar in an effort to cheer her up. She usually liked taking me down, which was happening more often than not lately. I'd just pinned her again though, third time in a row, and apparently she was done.

I grabbed both our waterbottles, handed her hers and sat next to her on the floor. "Rose, will you please just tell me what's going on? You've been quiet and distracted since I got here, I'm starting to get worried. At least tell me if you're okay and if there's anything I can do to help you." She didn't respond and I added: "Please?"

I don't know what I'd expected, but it wasn't the answer she gave me. She wouldn't face me but pointed first at me and then herself. "This. This is what's wrong. It's just not working."  
My heart stopped for a moment. "What do you mean?"  
Then she looked up at me, her eyes sad but determined. "I can't be around you like this, pretending we're friends or whatever. I just can't do it anymore Dimitri."

Hurt flashed through me and I answered without thinking. "I'm not pretending Rose. Are you?"  
"Yeah, I am! And I think you are as well, that's the whole fucking point!" She exclaimed.

I flinched and leaned back at her vehement answer. Did she really think I was pretending? I thought we'd been getting along well. The last months at the academy had been a bit difficult, trying to find a way to get along and spend time together while ignoring the feelings we had for eachother, but I felt we'd been doing pretty well since all of us moved to Court six months ago.

And was she really saying that she was only pretending to be my friend? My heart shattered at the thought that while I still loved her deeply, she was only putting up with me because we were partners. I'd always been afraid her feelings would change, but I really hadn't expected it to happen this quickly.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the feeling of her hand on mine and I focussed on her eyes which were full of regret. "I'm sorry, that came out.. wrong."  
I heaved a sigh of relief but then she continued and everything came crashing down anyway. "I just can't be friends with you Dimitri. I tried, I really did, but I can't. It's confusing and it's driving me insane and it's just really, _really_ screwed up."  
While talking she had lifted her hands and then dropped them again in defeat. I reached out and took her hand again, missing the feeling of her hand on mine. "I don't understand."

She interlaced our fingers and looked at them before squeezing my hand. " _This_ is what I want, and we both know that's just not possible. I know it's the way things are and the right thing to do and all that, but when we spend time together it feels like I'm in limbo or something. We're trying to act all normal but it feels like I've got to hold back all the time."

She took a deep breath and continued. "It doesn't feel right asking about your private life when I want to be a part of it. I don't really want to know what you did on your time off because I'm scared to hear something I don't want to hear. And I don't want to know who you're hanging out with because I know one day you'll give me an answer that'll make me feel like crap."

I carefully took my hand out of hers and then pulled her into my arms, holding her as tightly as humanly possible without suffocating her. Rose leaned against me willingly, burying her face in my shirt. I tried to will away the tears that had pooled in my eyes at her words and I whispered: "I know," and I did. I knew she was right. I'd had the same feeling several times but pushed it away because for me, being part of Rose's life was better than nothing. It didn't keep me from hurting though, and obviously the same could be said for her. The question was what we'd do about it.  
"So where do we go from here?"

She twisted her head a little so she could speak. "I think we need to stick to being partners and otherwise keep our distance from eachother. You know, make sure our private and professional lives stay separated. Then we can do our job and keep Lissa safe without distractions."

I held on for another moment, unwilling to give up this apparently final moment of physical closeness that I'd be allowed, then I reluctantly released her and looked into her eyes. "Are you sure this is what you want?"  
She made a sound which seemed to be somewhere between a chuckle and a sob, wiped her eyes and answered: "No, I'm absolutely sure it's _not_ what I want. It is the right thing to do though. I can't go on like this."

I stared at her for what felt like a long time, trying to burn every detail into my mind so I wouldn't forget. From now on I might still see her often, but it wouldn't be the same, and I wanted to remember everything about her to get me through. She met my eye without moving or looking away, apparently doing the same thing. Finally she smiled sadly and looked down. I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. For a short moment she placed her hand on my heart and then she pulled away, got up and walked out of the door.

She didn't look back. Perhaps that was a good thing. I didn't want her to see me fall apart.

* * *

For the past 11 months I'd kept my distance. We greeted eachother when arriving at work, exchanged polite words when Lissa or Christian were around and trained together once or twice a month to make sure we'd still work well together. The rest of the time we avoided eachother like the plague. Well, she did, at least as far as I could tell. I did stay away from her, but I couldn't help watching her when we were in the same room together, or asking Lissa how she was doing. Lissa had recently been assigned a third guardian, a woman named Serena, allowing all of us a little more time off, but also limiting the times I'd see Rose since she was no longer always the one to take over my shift.

It was one thing not to be a part of her life anymore, but it was another thing entirely to stop loving her and to let her go. I still loved her as much as I ever did and I wanted to make sure she was okay, that she was happy. It was all I'd ever really wanted for her.

I'd been standing near the same punching bag for the past fifteen minutes, occasionally throwing a few punches at it while watching what was going on on the other side of the gym. Rose had been running on the threadmill when Jared Murray, one of the Royal guards, had come up to her and started talking. She'd taken a break and now he was standing close to her, casually leaning against the threadmill, happily chatting away and using his well-practiced, fake, half smile.

I knew Murray, or at least I knew of him, like probably most of the male guardians here. He was a couple of years older than me and while he might be a skilled guardian, he wasn't well liked. We'd all heard his stories in the locker room about who he'd slept with and who was next and while a few guys were impressed, most of us were disgusted by his actions. I wasn't sure if his bad reputation was known all around Court though and I threw another punch when I saw Roza smile back at him.

"Oh hey man, you almost done?"  
I turned around and saw Julian Fischer standing behind me, looking apologetic. "Sorry to interrupt, but since you'd slowed down I figured you might quit soon and as you can see, it's a little busy around here. I can wait though."  
Fischer and I occasionally trained together and I quite liked him, so I stepped aside and waved him forward. "No go ahead. You're right, I'm done for today."  
He dropped his bag to the floor and nodded at me. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

I picked up my water bottle and looked back at Rose and Murray. Julian had apparently been watching me and followed my gaze. "I can't believe Murray is actually going after Hathaway."  
"Me neither," I grumbled.  
He threw a few punches at the punching bag. "It's probably because of that bet he made with Eriksen. Not sure why he thinks he'll win though, everyone knows Hathaway doesn't date."  
I froze. "What bet?"  
"Oh I thought you'd heard. Murray was bragging he could get any woman to sleep with him and Eriksen told him to prove it. He'd pick the target and if Murray succeeds he'll get a hundred bucks."

I clenched and unclenched my fists, desperately clinging to the last of my selfcontrol. I probably would have succeeded if Murray hadn't reached out at that exact moment to touch a lock of Roza's hair that had escaped her ponytail, a greedy smile on his face.

Next thing I knew I was standing on the other side of the gym, Murray on the floor in front of me. He was clutching the side of his face, his eye and cheekbone swelling rapidly.  
"Dimitri! What the hell?!" Rose hissed beside me.  
Meanwhile Murray spat some blood on the floor and glared at me. "I'll report you to Hans for this Belikov."  
I leaned over him and said in a low voice: "If that's what you want. Perhaps you should invite Eriksen to come along as well. I'd be happy to explain why I acted the way I did." Then I lowered my voice further, making sure I wouldn't be overheard as I added: "But if either of you _ever_ try something like that with my partner again, you won't be capable of sleeping with anyone, ever again."

He tried to pretend my words didn't affect him but I was near enough to see him recoil. He got up and shrugged. "You know what, you're not even worth the trouble of going to see Croft." He smiled at Rose, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the blood.. "It was nice talking to you Hathaway. I have to say I admire you for working with this guy. He seems a little unstable if you ask me."

Someone in the crowd behind him chuckled and said: "And you seem a little slow. Aren't you supposed to be the best of the best, ready for an attack 24/7 and all that?"  
Murray grabbed his bag and shot me another dirty look as he walked away. I thought I saw Eriksen rushing into the locker room after him, giving me a wide berth.

As soon as Murray was out of hearing range Rose grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards the door. She didn't say a word, didn't even look at me but just kept walking, my arm in a vice-like grip. I could have stopped her, or asked her what she was doing and where we were going, but I kept quiet and followed her out of the gym. She released me then but didn't stop and I walked half a step behind her as she made her way past the track and into a quiet area of Court, where she turned several corners and walked into a public garden before stopping.

She turned on me immediately. "What the hell was that about?"  
"Eriksen bet Murray he couldn't get you into bed. Murray just wanted you to sleep with him so he could collect his hundred dollars," I uttered once I finally unclenched my jaws.  
Her eyebrows rose incredulously. "And you punched him... why exactly?"

I just stared at her in disbelief and after about thirty seconds she rolled her eyes and said: "I _know_ Murray is the biggest manwhore, not to mention jackass, around here. Trust me, girls talk. Just because I wasn't ignoring him or didn't immediately kicked him in the balls, doesn't mean I was going to get naked with him." She shuddered at the thought and I felt a little better until she continued. "But even if I did, it would've been none of your damn business Dimitri."

My temper flared. "I just wanted to protect you! He's always talking about his conquests and I didn't want you to become one of them."  
Rose narrowed her eyes. "I repeat, none of your damn business! If you were worried you could've talked to me and it would've been upto me whether I listened or not." She crossed her arms and stared me down. "Thanks for trusting my judgement though. I'm so much happier knowing my partner has complete faith in me."

She'd always had a knack for using sarcasm to make a point and I felt her words acutely. My anger disappeared and shame washed over me. She was right. Her personal life _was_ none of my business and Rose was more than capable of making her own decisions. If she wanted or needed my help she would've asked for it, but she had made it clear months ago that she prefered it if I wasn't a part of her life.  
I looked at her and said quietly: "You're right, I'm sorry. I should've stayed out of it. And I do trust your judgement, I trust you more than anyone, it's just..."  
I didn't know how to finish the sentence without saying too much and I left it hanging for a moment before saying: "Never mind, I should go."

I looked around me to get my bearings and then set off towards the center of Court. I'd only gone a couple of yards before I heard footsteps behind me and Rose fell into step next to me. "Where are you going? We weren't done."  
"I think we were. You were right, what else would you like me to say?"  
I could feel her eyes on me but I didn't look at her. I had just made a decision and I was going to follow it through.

Of course I hadn't taken into account that Rose used to be able to read me better than anyone, and apparently things hadn't changed that much. She figured out I was upto something and asked again: "Where are you going?"  
I didn't reply and when she spoke again her voice was much quieter. "Dimitri?"  
Not wanting to ignore her, I sighed and finally answered: "I'm going to see Hans."

Rose instantly sped up and moved to face me, forcing me to a halt. "Why? I seriously doubt Murray is going to report you. He's not _that_ stupid." She paused. "I think."  
"I don't think he will, but I should still talk to Hans."  
"Why?" she demanded.  
For a moment I considered not answering her question, but Rose wouldn't give up until she knew what she wanted to know and she'd find out soon enough anyway. "To request a reassignment."

My answer shocked Rose. Her eyes went wide and she took a step back. I instantly reached out to steady her but she slapped my hand away. "Why would you do that?"  
"Because it's the right thing to do."  
She crossed her arms. "No it's not."  
"It is Rose."  
"It isn't."  
I didn't really feel like getting into an arguement with Rose about this and I held up my hands. "It's the right thing for _me_ Roza."

She went quiet. She studied me carefully and finally stepped aside, sitting down on on the edge of a nearby fountain. She didn't look at me but just nodded.  
I could have walked away, I could've gone straight to Hans to get things settled and I knew Rose wouldn't have asked me for an explanation again. I couldn't leave her like this though and my decision was as much about her as it was about me.

I sat down next to her, feeling droplets of cold water hitting the back of my shirt. "I can't do it anymore Roza. I know being friends didn't work for you, and I understand. But I can't just be your partner. I can't stand being so close to you and yet feel like there's an enormous distance between us. I can't stand to see you every day and not want to talk to you, only exchanging civilities when other people are around and expect us to. And I can't pretend I don't care what's happening in your life, or that I don't worry about anyone hurting you."

I reached out to take her hand and I could feel the small tremor that indicated she was fighting to stay in control. "We tried being friends Roza and it didn't work for you. We tried being partners and it's not working for me. I think the best thing for both of us is if I remove myself from your life completely. You can move on, you won't have to walk on eggshells anymore because I'm around, you won't have to worry about me punching a guy because he has the nerve to talk to you. You can be yourself and you can be happy."

Her hand twitched in mine but she didn't say anything so I took a deep breath and finished what I wanted to say: "So I'm going to talk to Hans and I'm going to ask him to find me a different assignment, away from Court."

Rose suddenly jumped up and turned on me, her eyes flashing. "Wait, let me get this straight. You're going to ask for reassignment to get away from me, but you weren't willing to do it so we could be together? _Nice_ comrade, really fucking awesome."  
She turned on her heel and stalked away, calling over her shoulder. "Don't worry about it, I'll go and talk to Hans myself."

Mentally cursing myself, I ran after her and stopped her before she got out of the garden. "That's not what I meant Roza."  
She crossed her arms. "Really? So you're telling me you _didn't_ tell me we couldn't be together _and_ guard Lissa because of her safety, our careers, bla bla bla?"  
"Well yes, but.."  
She cut me off: "But now you are willing to leave? You didn't resign when you were supposed to be in love with me. So what, me moving on from you is worth damaging your career over, but being with me isn't?"

I was so shocked by her outburst I wasn't sure how to move or talk or do anything for a moment. I stood there, gaping at her, at the way she misunderstood my feelings and at my own stupidity for not seeing another solution than cutting myself out of her life. She stood in front of me, still fuming but finally speechless, and I finally remembered how to move.

I wrapped my hands around her upper arms to keep her from walking away and when she looked up to object I met her glare with a steady look of my own. She fell silent, her words of protest dieing on her lips. I didn't take my eyes off hers for a moment while I said: "Being with you is worth much more than just my career Roza. You're right, I could and should have resigned as soon as arrived at Court, perhaps even when we were still at the academy. I didn't see a way around all of the objections to us being together. I shouldn't have cared about most of them to begin with, but the most important one still remains."

Rose closed her eyes and then asked quietly: "Lissa?"  
"No." Her eyes opened again and she looked at me in surprise. "You Roza. It's not my career I was and am worried about, it's yours. You'd lose the respect of the other guardians as well as the Moroi before you even really started out. You might be given worse shifts or even assignments in the future because of it. Guys like Murray will treat you like fair game because if you're with one guardian, they assume you'll be with another."

It took a while for my words to sink in. I waited for her to understand, for her to realize what being with me would really cost her. Eventually she said: "Is that what would happen to you as well? Minus Murray, I don't really think you're his type."  
I nodded and dropped my hands from her arms. "I can't be sure it would, but I've seen it happen to others."  
"But you don't care?"

Rose was watching me carefully and I could feel how important this question, this answer really was. "No, I don't. But it would probably be much worse for you than for me, at least at first. You're still building your reputation while mine is already made. And due to you being younger and a woman most people will think it's easier to mess with you than me. They'd be mistaken obviously, I think we both know you're the better fighter, but it'll take them a while to figure it out."

"Screw them." Her answer was almost instant. "And screw you if you don't think I can handle it."  
I chuckled before I could stop myself and said: "I haven't worried about you being able to handle yourself since you started training with stakes Roza."  
She looked exasperated: "Then what is the damn problem?"  
I looked at her and asked quietly: "Is it worth it? For you?"

This was really what it came down to. I was willing to sacrifice anything, deal with anything, if it meant being with Rose. I probably should have realized that a long time ago. I wasn't sure if it was fair to ask her to do the same though. I didn't have much to offer her. I couldn't give her a big house and an easy life. I couldn't give her a family. All I had to offer was myself, and a huge amount of complications. Was it really worth it? Was I?

I barely heard her whispered "Yes." I blinked once. Twice. She repeated herself more loudly: "Yes, it's worth it."

And then she kissed me.

* * *

 ** _Author's note: Did anyone ever wonder how long it would've taken Dimitri to figure out Rose would be willing to sacrifice everything for him if she hadn't told him to take Tasha's offer, he hadn't been taken and she hadn't dropped out and done a bunch of insane stuff to restore him? Well obviously I did ;)_**

 ** _Rose probably would've thought it was obvious and thus never would've said it in so many words, so it would've been upto Dimitri to figure it out for himself._**

 ** _Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! I don't say it nearly often enough, but thank you so much for taking the time to read my stories and a huge thank you to all of the reviewers. You guys are the reason I'm still fighting the damn writer's block and it does finally seem to be moving a little, so thank you!_**


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